Chosen (Lost Time Prequel)

Chapter Twenty Seven

The nightmares would never go away. The faces of the people I murdered, whose names I never cared to learn or remember, haunted me constantly. Their screams seemed to make my ears bleed and they echoed in my mind constantly. I couldn't sleep and the headaches were unbearable.

I couldn't understand myself. There would be days where I would feel invincible, like nothing in the world could keep me from fulfilling my missions. I would feel so alive and carefree. How was it that all of a sudden, I would have a conscience and the idea of executing someone became so terrible? How was it that I would suddenly have morals?

After I killed Max, I ran to my house and buried myself under blankets in my bedroom. I smothered my face in the pillow, wishing I could just suffocate myself and be done with it. Eventually I fell asleep, but it didn't last long because of the nightmares. My lungs burned when I woke up as if I had held my breath underwater. I took the blankets off of me and gasped for air. I stared at the ceiling. My eyes adjusted to the darkness. So many nightmares. Every time I close my eyes, I see their faces.

"Scarlet Maverick is at the door." Ava announced abruptly. I nearly jumped out of my skin when she spoke. I glanced at the alarm and it was midnight. I got up and shuffled to the door. My stomach twisted as I wondered what Scarlet wanted to say after two years of silence. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and yawned with butterflies fluttering in my chest. The door opened automatically when I approached it. I just stood there, taking a moment to look at her up close. Her expression was soft and sympathetic. I waited for her to speak first. I didn't feel like talking, I just wanted to go hide.

"I just...I just came to talk to you. Why are you still in your uniform?" She spoke in a whisper even though we were the only two that lived on the floor.

"I fell asleep." I said quietly.

"Sorry if I woke—"

"You didn't." I interjected flatly.

"Well...you got a moment?" Scarlet asked. I shrugged and stepped out. The door closed behind me and locked itself.

We went to the courtyard and sat on the bench. I leaned back and gazed at the stars, trying to find constellations in the infinite night sky.

"Are you okay?" She asked. She leaned back as well.

"You can say that." I said.

"I saw you hesitate earlier." She said. "Your whole facial expression changed in a split second. A couple others noticed too. They asked me what was wrong with you." I glanced at her from the corner of my eye.

"What did you say?" I asked. We weren't friends anymore, so I expected her to say something that would make me fall under scrutiny.

"I told them, 'he's not the kind of guy that wants glory. Sometimes the crowd just gets to him and he prefers to kill in private.'" She gave me a sideways glance. I could hear the subliminal message in her quote. I shrunk in the bench.

"Look, I'm really sorry. I don't know what was wrong with me then. Something came over me and controlled—"

"I told Simon and he explained everything. I understand. I'm sorry." She said. "I guess I was just...so angry that I didn't even want to take the second to look at you or hear you explain yourself. And for me to ignore you for two years and not even bother to ask for an explanation...well, that doesn't make me any better." I waited before I responded. First, I didn't like how Simon knew our business and he didn't even bother to tell me. Had he told me, we would have stopped avoiding each other. Second, why didn't she come to me sooner? Was this recent or something?

"So...how was working alone going for you?" I asked.

"It sucks. Do you want to work together again or are you doing fine alone?" Truthfully, I could work alone. But, I could be at a much better performance if she was my partner again. I smiled genuinely at her and nodded.