Time To Live.

Today.. .

Today, well it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. I woke up, got ready for school, picked my friend up and  went to school. The day was fine, nothing weird or bad. 

But then, someone asked about you.. . they asked me,

 "Hey what happened to you guys" 

I didn't know what to say so I just replied saying its a long story, don't want to talk about it, but then there was the next question, the one I didn't want to answer. I could think of the words to say.

" Do you still love him?"

My heart dropped to my stomach. I couldn't think of the words to say. How can I answer that, is it not obvious already.  

So then, I didn't know how to say this. But later in the day I did. So I messaged her and said,

" All I know is that it is love. If you're looking for the word to describe how I feel. The word to describe caring beyond all rationality. All I want is him to have everything he wants no matter how much it destroys me. Seeing him happy will make it better, even if I'm not the reason for the happiness. I also know, when you love someone you never stop, and if you do you never loved at all. I haven't stopped loving him and I don't see a day where I will. Not one day where I'm living and breathing where I won't love him. When you love someone you don't just stop one day, ever. Even when those people that want to tell you what you should do. Their gonna call you crazy for going back, call you dumb and stupid. But its true, love makes us dumb, but love is one of the best feelings. It can make you feel like you're on the top of the world or in love with the wrong person feel like you're in hell for eternity. Its such a powerful thing. So dangerous I guess is the word. Even when they do that, you don't give up. I couldn't just give up the love, if I could give the love I have for him up. Do I really love him? Finally take the advice from them, the advice they talk about moving on and I actually move on and find someone else, that wouldn't be love. That would just mean he was another disposable, replaceable object, something not worth fighting for. But what him and I have its not that, its not replaceable, no where near it tbh. Loving him is the best thing I can do, and I love him with everything I have. Loving him makes my days better, just sitting and thinking about all the memories we share.  But, love doesn't always make the most sense. Its not always a positive feeling. You cant just figure it out and logic yourself in and out of it. Its crazy how it works, you'll be shocked to see how easy it is to part with people you think you love. That's why when you find someone that you love you keep them around. You actually do something about it, you don't just let them slip out of your hands like sand. You do whatever it takes to keep them around. And I guess that's how I feel.. . Idrk. 

I guess that's why its so hard for me to let go. Thanks for being here for me, but (Friends Name) I don't want to think about this anymore. I don't know how to deal with my feelings lately. Im alone and scared. But thanks for asking I guess, It kinda made things a bit more clear for me lol. I just want to stop talking about this, about him. Its just so stressful right now and I can't take anymore of this."

Then I guess she did what any friend would do, she comforted me and we met up and had one of those cry sessions. Kinda weird but god they help so much!! 

Long story short, NEVER fall in love with someone who doesn't feel the same it will tear you up inside so much you won't be able to bare it. This week was already stressful and it all added up and just go shitty asf. Let the love come to you, don't chase after a love that's not already there.