I'm Sorry

Chapter 2

'Shawn, this is urgent, please don't turn me away again'. 'What is it Natalie? You're scaring me' I knew this would happen. I don't learn to keep my mouth shut do I? Well no going back now. 'Ok... I am pregnant'. There is no response for 2 hours. I start panicking, what if he cancels the tour to come back here, then 'WHAT? SINCE WHEN? WHEN IS THE BABY DUE? IS IT MINE?'. 'Yes, Shawn, the baby is yours, and it is due in a month'. 'You went 8 months without telling me? Didn't you think about discussing this with me? Natalie, I want to support you but if you have been pregnant and didn't tell me, how can I trust you?' But I tried. He doesn't understand, I tried, I wanted to tell him. He calls me because he didn't want to discuss this over text. I tell him everything I know, and then it happened. The thing I worried about most. He wanted to cancel his show to be with me. Luckily I persuaded him not to under one condition, I keep him updated. I mean it is only a few days until he comes home and we can properly talk.

As agreed, I kept him updated on every kick, every single thing related to my pregnancy. I wish I could just go back so this never happened, I am still young and so is Shawn. He is having a huge boost in his career and I have ruined it for him. Too late now, I am having a baby soon and its father needs to be there for it. Who new it would be this hard? I keep talking to Karen because she has had 2 beautiful children herself, so I feel like I can just spill all my feelings and she will understand. The main problem isn't the fact I am constantly ill but more the fact that I don't want to ruin Shawn and I's relationship. Technically it should strengthen it, right? But if this causes his career to slowly end, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Although he says he is happy and will support me, I can't help but think he doesn't want to be involved in a new family yet. I still have one thing left to tell him, but I decided it was best to leave it for when we are face to face, which is in a couple of hours.

As soon as we arrive back home, I sit Shawn down, he tells me his thoughts which are, I quote: "I am really proud to be a father, especially knowing it is with you, but I am scared. This is huge and I feel like I can't help as much because I am always on tour. Unless I find a new job, the majority of pressure will be on you, and I don't like the thought of our child growing up without a father, specifically where you have experienced that yourself. Do you understand?" Of course I understand, I don't like the idea of my baby not having a father for a lot of the time, but as long as he is happy, I will be happy, therefore my child will be happy. I guess I better tell him one minor detail... The gender of our child. He has just gone to the kitchen for a drink, I am thinking of just telling him when he comes back, or shall I sit him down and slowly introduce it? I have kept it silent for 4 months I need to tell him. Oh gosh, here he comes. "It's a girl". There. I said it.