Fallingforyou (Larry Stylinson)✔️

1

                  Before reading:

The grammar won't be perfect in this or any of my stories.
English isn't my first language and the grammar is the part that's hardest for me so I am aware that it's not always right.
So with this little note I just want to kindly ask you not to comment on it, thank you.

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It's over.

The plane takes off and I feel how it's shakes a little when we leave the ground. I watch the airport disappear and get smaller and smaller. I want to turn around and not look out but I can't keep my eyes from the lights on the ground that's slowly fading when we go through the clouds.

"This is for the best darling." I look at my mother who is sitting in the seat beside me and I start to wonder if she is telling me the truth, is this really the best for us? Leaving the place I grew up only to move to another country.

"I don't want this."

"You need this... we need this." It's never about what I want, it's always about what I need. But honestly what's the point? What's the point of trying?

I'm going to die one day and right now we're walking around trying to fool death. It won't work, I will die... all we do is trying to buy more time. I don't want more time, I want a normal life without hospitals and feeling like I'm dying.

I don't want to live a life where I spend it all on trying to surviving... because honestly that's not living.

The plane is dark and most of the people are sleeping, a lot of them are around 40 and business people. When I was younger I would look at them and imagine me being one of them, and how boring it would be... now I guess I would give everything to be like them...

I'm 20 years old and I can't take care of myself... I'm 20 years old and I'm not sure I will ever turn 21.

I look out through the window and now when we're out from the clouds I can see the stars. They are sparkling and even in the speed we're going they don't seem to move at all. There is something so calming with looking at the stars, like I'm not alone.

I might have people around me at all times, but I always feel alone, I feel lonely. There is no one around me who see me as my illness, they look at me and all they see is sick. They see how my heart is slowly collapsing in my body, they see how the color from my skin slowly faded.

They don't see me anymore, they see what my illness have made me become.

The flight is long and I can't seem to fall asleep, even the girl who's sitting in front of me who have been freaking out about crashing have found her piece and gone in to a slumber... I'm pretty sure I'm the only one awake and it's not a comforting feeling.

I plug in my headphones and listen to the music that's comes flowing out from them so I heard you found somebody else...

I let the voice of Matty take over my thought and I forget where I am and why. All I can think of is the emotions going through his voice, the emotions that I feel so many times but just can't put in to words.

There is something so calming with the way that the stars outside shine and the music in my ears, something that makes me feel safe and like just for a second I'm stuck in time... like time isn't moving and I'm not getting closer to dying.

I almost feel like I will make it out alive...

But there is no making out alive, everything will come to an end... even people, we are all going to die some just die younger than other people.

I like to see life as a journey and everyone wants to reach the goal... but no one does, everyone dies on the way. Some just die closer to the goal than others...

I know that I will die before I have experienced what most people will, I will never see my kids grow up... I will probably never see my sister get married.

There is so much in life that I will miss out just because it wasn't meant to be. My life was never meant to be longer, I was never supposed to die old.

Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes you have to live with that without know what the reason is, there is a reason why I'm slowly dying... and I might die without know why this happened to me, I might die without a reason why this happen to me.

The song changes and I close my eyes, the stars still imprinted like a picture in my mind. I let sleep finally take over my body and I sink in to the land of dreams... I slip in to a world where I grow old...

"Louis, wake up darling we're here" I open my eyes and I see the people taking their things from under the seats, they talk loudly and trying to get out of the plane. I never understood why everyone is in a hurry all the time. They never stop and look at what they have around them.

They just go on with their life without knowing what their surrounding is.

I look at my phone and realize that it's dead... without saying a word I pack my bag, not that I have much to pack because I only ever took up my phone and headphones.

I follow my mother out of the airplane and I can't help but feel how the air is chillier here than in the US, I knew it would be I just wasn't ready.

I pull the hood of my hoody up over my head, because I know my hair is a mess and even if I'm sick I still want to look good in public.

I walk to the band where you get your bags and there is so many people, just hurrying around trying to make their way through the sea of people. All those people who have somewhere to be.

My mother is trying to get our bags and I just stand there in a sea of people who moving... everyone around me is moving while I stay still...

They are moving to something in life, they are moving forward with life... while mine is stopping, mine is coming to an end.

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I don't know where I'm going with this story but I am really like it.

I know I just started Break Me but this is like with in the shadows, I just need to write this story!