Fallingforyou (Larry Stylinson)✔️

6

In one moment everything can change so fast, one little moment can change everything. One week ago I was sitting in a small coffee shop drinking Christmas tea with a beautiful green eyed boy, and now here I am fighting for my life in a hospital bed.

It was three nights ago when I woke up with the feeling of my chest collapsing on me, the feeling of not being able to do anything... pain.

Pain was all I felt... Pain is all I feel right now, I have been in constant pain sense I was brought here and right now it's not looking good.

I'm hooked up to a machine that helps my heart beat and I'm pretty sure that the next time I will be un hooked form it will be when my heart stopped beating and I have taken my last breath.

"I'm so sorry" My mother says when she stands and look out through the window. She don't know I'm awake she thinks I finally could catch some sleep and escape from the pain, but the truth is that I haven't been able to sleep sense I got here. I'm so tired but the pain is making it impossible for me to fall asleep.

I'm just waiting for my body to give up and just pass out from either pain or me being exhausted.

I see the phone that my mother is holding and I realize that she once again is talking to my trash of a father. What kind of father wouldn't be there for their kid when they're literally at the end of life? I know he doesn't care but honestly I at least thought he loved me a little just because I'm kind of a part of him.

"I don't want him to think you don't love him"

"Just grow up and do what you have to do!"

"Well if you don't love him pretend you do so he doesn't have to die thinking you don't love him"

That last sentence hurts so much because I know he doesn't love me and he doesn't even have the decency to pretend just for a couple of calls... that's all I ever wanted a phone call from my father, it could be just one minute... just something that shows that he might care at least a little bit.

The pain is unbearable and I can see the light start to flickering, maybe now I will finally catch some sleep. Maybe now I will be able to rest without pain....

I know that every time I fall asleep that there is a chance that I won't wake up but right now for the first time in forever I feel like I want to wake up. I want to see those green eyes at least once more before I pass away...

He made me feel like I wasn't sick without even trying. He probably don't see it but I do, he don't notice the way he makes me feel but there is something inside of me that is slowly waking up...

Hope. Hope that I won't be living a life without a reason.

Darkness. I let the numb feeling take over my body and let it fall in to a restless sleep.

My mother is talking to Dr. Payne when I wake up and they both look at me with a small smile.

"Good morning Louis, how are you feeling?" Dr. Payne asks me and I answer with a small answer of okay, because the pain isn't that unbearable, it's actually not that bad at all.

"You are going to go home and I'll will come with to make sure that you are okay being at home. I know you hate hospitals so we're going to make sure that you can be able to be at home as much as possible in your condition." Dr. Payne say and look at me.

I only nod to show that I understand because I don't really feel like I'm in the mood for talking. I'm so tired and I feel like my body is slipping away from me.

Things passes in a blur and somehow I end up in the backseat of a car that I know isn't ours, it's too expensive, we do not have the money for fancy cars because all the money goes to pay my hospital bills... My mother would be so much better off if I wasn't sick.

I take out my phone and press shuffle.

The music is playing loudly in my headphones and I look at the snow that's falling outside, every single sound is blocked out. All I can focus on is the music in my ears.

So casually cruel in the name of being honest

It's just a line in the song but it hits me so hard that I have to fight the tears in my eyes, I do not have a reason to cry I don't have anyone to cry over... But the song is so strong and I think it's not appreciated enough.

I'm sick but I have already spent too much tears on that and I do not want to spend anymore tears on my illness, my mother cries enough for the both us.

No one ever wants to feel like a Taylor Swift song, those broken lyrics that pulls and break every single sting in your heart. No one ever want to feel that feeling of loving someone so much only to have them drop you and break your heart. No one want their strings on the heart to break.

That pain... the pain in All Too Well it hits me so hard because it's just so much emotion and even if you haven't been there and gone through it.... It's almost like you have... like her feelings show so much in her music.

I know a lot of people doesn't like Taylor because of who she date or her personality or whatever... but music isn't about that, music is something that shows our feelings that we can't show. It's what explain our feelings when we can't put them in to words.

I have never felt more connected to anything that I feel to music. Music put melodies and harmonies to the feelings that words can't explain.