Fallingforyou (Larry Stylinson)✔️

8

Feeling the music flow all through my body is the best feeling ever, I might feel dead inside but the way that her voice is singing the words makes me feel calm. 

If I would die now I know I would die in a good place, right now with this song playing I feel like I'm ready to go, my whole body is telling me to just give up and lose this battle against myself.

It's something about the soft way Taylor Swift is forming her words, the soft way that you can feel all the emotions... I love the songs when she is all pop or country but nothing beats the songs when she sings calmingly, like in you are in love... or All too well... there is just something about the emotions you feel when she sings the lyrics like nothing can stop those feelings from flowing around the room.

"I always loved this song sense the first time I heard it." I look at the door and to my surprise there is he, the one that just keep clouding my head. Harry. Harry Styles. 

"Me too." I say but it's almost as a whisper because my body is slowly giving up and I'm not strong enough to talk louder. 

"I brought a blanket." he says and shows me the light blue blanket, I can't help but let a faded smile make it's way to my lips. Last time he was here we talked about how I was getting kind of cold and that no matter what I did I still felt cold. 

"Thank you..." My voice is fading and you can barely hear my voice. 

The music is calming and we're just sitting there on my bed in silence. Harry is drinking a redbull while I am having a hard time keeping the water down. I want to be able to live but it feels pretty useless when nothing inside of me seems to want to live.

"Have you ever thought about what you will do when you get better?" The question catch me off guard because I'm not getting better. 

"So many times I have thought about what the first thing I would do if I survived was... but it always end up with reality hitting me harder than I thought was possible... I'm not getting better Harry, I'm dying. I'm not going to get better, it's not a question of when I get better or if it's a question of how long I have left. It could be hours or weeks... the only thing they know for sure now is that it's not years we're talking about anymore." 

It all just comes out as a whisper but I am working so hard to form the words because by every word I say I see how hurt he gets I can see the pain in his eyes the pain that I am causing him. 

When I'm done he does something that I don't expect at all, he presses those full pink lips against my thin and pale lips.

The kiss is soft and innocent, there is something so pure about the way that he doesn't put too much pressure on my lips, it's like he is scared if he kisses me to hard I'll break. 

It's short and full of feelings that's not really anything you can decribe in words.

"What was that for?" I ask when his lips leave mine, his face is still really close to mine, those green eyes are even greener when you look at them this closely.

"You said you might only have hours and I am not going to waste the little time I have with you thinking if I can kiss you, I'm not going to sit here and wait for you to die because I don't think you're done here yet." They way he says it just makes my none working heart skip a beat which is kind of bad for me because I need it to work for a while longer.

His eyes are sparkling and all I can think about is that this moment will be what keeps me alive until I take my last breath.

Starlight is playing in the background and I will remember this moment forever.

"Can you kiss me again?" I ask and I can feel the hint of red that is making it's way on to my face, something I haven't felt in a long while. I actually thought that I couldn't blush because I was too close to death for that... turns out I'm wrong.

He doesn't answer but he doesn't have to because when his lips are back on mine everything just disappear, the pain goes away and all I can think of is the little taste of redbull that's still on his lips. The warm feeling of having those soft lips on mine. My lips are broken and dry but somehow it doesn't matter when he kisses me because for each second that goes it feels like he is healing me.

Like for every second his lips are touching mine he is taking away all that's dead inside of me.

But nothing lasts forever and I should know that... and I can't get lost in a moment, because no matter how hard I try to forget it comes back and hunts me. The striking pain in my cheast gets too much and it's getting hard to breath. 

The next thing I know is me laying on the bed with Harry talking in his phone with panic in his voice. I don't know how much time passes everything just passes in a blur. The people running in to my room, the ambulance ride and the passing out. 

The only thing that's there is the pain, it won't leave me alone, it's like someone is sitting on me and making it harder for me to breath.

The only thing that's keeping me from giving in to the pain is those soft lips... I need to feel them against mine... just one more time before I go.