Things Fall Apart

The Confession

Ikemefuna winced in throbbing pain. He collapsed on the floor with a loud thud, wide-eyed. He looked over the yam crops and saw Okonkwo a few yards away, deeply succumbed in his own crops, so he didn't notice Ikemefuna on the ground.

There was a huge gash on his knee from when he fell. It was now bleeding. He tried getting himself up but ended up falling again. Ikemefuna looked over at his father who had moved farther away to tend to other crops. Maybe he had seen Ikemefuna on the ground and shaken his head. No, he thought, Okonkwo would have beaten him for falling while on the job.

Ikemefuna tried getting up again. When nearly falling again, strong arms held him up. Ikemefuna looked at the owner of the hands and saw Nwoye giving him a weak smile. On his chest and arms and probably his back, were multiple bruise marks that weren't there this morning. Nwoye had always been Okonkwo's personal punching bag. Ikemefuna thought his father might accidentally kill Nwoye in an uncircumcised rage.

The two young men looked over at their father, probably thinking the same thing. Nwoye looked in fear at his father as he guided Ikemefuna to their obi. Ikemefuna at first declined his help but then realised he couldn't walk on his own.

Once they were in the obi, Nwoye started washing off the wound.

"Shouldn't a woman be doing this?" Ikemefuna asked, hoping to get Nwoye back to the fields to work. Okonkwo would not be happy with the two dawdling about in the obi.

"Do you want to risk them telling Father and getting a beating?" he said without looking up.

"That's true..." Ikemefuna sighed. He watched Nwoye tentatively care for the wound. Nwoye and Ikemefuna had always been close. They looked out for each other. They often found ways to together avoid the wrath of their father. This made their connection very strong.

Nwoye was finally done wrapping the gash with cloth. "I don't suppose you want to try to walk?"

"I'll try. I don't want to be beaten for staying in here because of this."

"You need to gather your rest. That gash will hurt intensely for a while. I know you're trying to be manly and everything but if you don't treat it correctly it will be more painful than it has to be. Give it a day. The crops will do fine without us for a day."

"Leave me then," Ikemefuna said, hoping to get him to the fields. Their father would not like them here. "I don't want you getting punished because of me."

Nwoye sat down beside Ikemefuna. "I'll stay with you. I think I have a confession to make...."

Ikemefuna puzzled about this but let him continue his thought.

Nwoye sighed and finally spoke. "I call you brother, but we are in fact not brothers. You were a stranger to me three years ago. So I do not think I love you like a brother."

Ikemefuna was still confused. He knew he looked Nwoye, as any brother should love their siblings. The thought had not occurred though that he might love this young man in a different sense. But now that he thought about it, strange thoughts had appeared in his mind. Thoughts men should only have about women. And these thoughts, however strange, did not scare him.

"How do you love me?" Ikemefuna asked, hoping their feeling of each other were similar.

"I think I love you... how I would love a wife. But I do not want a wife. I think I want a husband. Father is always angry with me. And I think it's because he knows I do not want a wife. I don't make it difficult to see. He says I will then live a lonely and miserable life. He is very wrong. I think I would do fine without a wife. But what I really want, is a husband. And if I honestly had a choice, I would want that man to be you...."

Ikemefuna struggled to digest this new information, and feared that, in light of this new information, might want the same. He had never cared for a wife. He found them useless besides making children. Which were also useless. He could not love them. But could he love a man...?

Nwoye looked up at him expectantly. He looked scared of how Ikemefuna would respond.

"I think..." Ikemefuna started, "that I might want the same. I feel as if I've loved you like that for a very long time, but did not want to think of it other than brotherly love. But now that I know we share these feelings, well, I don't know what to think," he said astonished at this event.

"The sad part is..." Nwoye said with a solemn face, "we can't act upon our feelings. It is not as if we are to get married and have a family."

Ikemefuna dawned on the thought. Nwoye had clearly given much thought to this but was still eager to share, knowing very well he was unable to act upon his feelings as he just said. Maybe Nwoye wanted closure and that was all. To get his thoughts out of his head and be done with it. He found himself longing, but for what?

None of it made sense.