Ok God what I do now.. My life is full of unanswer questions ... How can I a move on with all the Ghosts hanging over my head... I know I can just live in my world.. Huh no I need to make thinks right so I can heal from the deep scars.. I took a long look at myself the girl I thought I knew but did I know Joy the real Joy the one with hope and dreams of a life of romance and love.. Not hurst,pain or let- down!!!! I wipe my face and found the strenght to return home from the place I long to return to but I can't my mind would not let me.. My mother was sitting on the stump in the yard with my granny,, girl well the hell u been we have been lookin for u for hours!!!!!! Iam sorry momma !!! With my head hung so low I could kiss the ground.. Momma I have too. She stop me right in the middle of my statement Joy it is ok iam free honey witha million tears in her eyes.. Iam so sorry dear I did not tell u I was so ashame of what happen too me.. It was my fault Joy that I was rape!!!! By this monster I love and adore as a child...he stole some thing from me that was pure and so precious to me!! I lost that .. He took it from Me.. I wanted Him Dead for what he done too me... When I found out the monster was dead I was so Happy!!!!! I could finally start to heal Lord !!!!. My mother was workin day and nite in kitchen and Barroom to take care of her 3 girls.. Me been the oldest I have to cooka nd take care the home until she return from work.. Joy that was a whole lot for a young girl of 10 to handle but I had to been the mother to my 2 lil sisters...one evening my mother has just left for her nite shift at the Bar Room. I was fixin some collard green and cornbread for our supper as ever other nite.. A knock on the door ..it uncle James .girl let me in I knew It was momma older brother so I let he in the house.. hey girl where yo momma at? I said she workin the nite shift at the Silver Slipper on Creshaw rd.. Oh way over there I said yes sir... Mmmm where is your lil sisters I said take bath so I can feed them.. Mmmm u think u grown huh.. Cookin and take care of kids... Hey girl u have not gave your uncle no surgar.. What is wrong with u Dee taught u better ten that.. Come here girl!! I said No it is time for u too leave.. He look at me with those dark black eyes.. Full of evil and whiskey!!! If you would not kiss me I guess I will have too kiss your lil sister!!! I said !!! No leave them alone u Monster I was trying to get to the room where my lil sisters was taking a bath!!! But he push me down.. I said I would do anything leave them alone... All I could think about was protecting my lil sitters.. He said come her girl.... My world whent black!!!!!!!!... I never told my mother I knew she would never believe me... I lied and told her I was with a boy form Back of the track.... When I got pregnant my mother Beat me so Bad I almost lost U!!!!!! I was a child having a child !!!! Lost homeless and heartbroken .... Until a nice family took me in and help me find out that I have a friend in God!!!!! He will never leave me...Time had pass .. I was feeding u when my mother came to the home of where I was living. With her face all sad with grief and pain... Lord baby please, please forgive me.. Little did I know my lil siters saw the whole think what happen to me and told my mother!!!! I felt like slapping her for not being there when I needed her the most in my life.. Deep down I loved her .i ran to her open arms.. Lord I miss her hugs and kisses... She said baby, baby please I said it is ok momma... That was the last time we spoke about what happen....we had a new life to take care of Joy!!!!
