Episode X9: Wilberforce Wakes
THEME MUSIC (“Jazzy Interlude”, Billy Munn)
HERBERT “DARING” DASHWOOD: (V.O.) You’re listening to the Adventures of me, Herbert “Daring” Dashwood, and my stalwart ghoul manservant, Argyle. Today’s episode? “Wilberforce Wakes”.
THEME MUSIC CONTINUES TO 0 M 10 S.
SCENE: INTERIOR. A RADIO IS QUIETLY PLAYING (“Crazy He Calls Me”, Billie Holiday).
WILBERFORCE DASHWOOD: (VOICE IS THICK AND UNCERTAIN) Oooh, my head! (PAUSE) Where – where am I?
ARGYLE: Ah, so you finally woke up, eh, Mr. Wilberforce? Welcome to the cabin. The boss and me use it to hide out in comfort, when we need to. Which ain't really a rare occurrence, if you know what I mean.
WILBERFORCE DASHWOOD: Argyle, I feel as if a block of wood is trying to push itself out of my forehead like Athena springing from the brow of Zeus. What happened?
ARGYLE: (VERY MATTER-OF-FACT) The boss hit you with a shovel.
WILBERFORCE DASHWOOD: What?! My own brother tried to kill me with a shovel?
ARGYLE: Don't get carried away. He wasn't trying to kill you. He was trying to keep you from going back to rescue Miss Chase.
WILBERFORCE DASHWOOD: My Cassandra! Is she all right? I have to go to her!
ARGYLE: (IRRITATED) Calm down, calm down. The boss said he'd rescue her, despite her being an evil slave-monger. Something about a code of honour, helping out pals, damsels in distress. That sort of thing.
WILBERFORCE DASHWOOD: She isn't a slaver, Argyle. No matter what my brother thinks. Herbert thinks my Cassandra is the same person as that Penelope you two knew, but she isn't. She can't be.
ARGYLE: I'm sorry, Mr. Wilberforce, but she's gotta be. How else would she know about the Eagle Claw attack?
WILBERFORCE DASHWOOD: (SIGHS) I admit, I don't know. But, Argyle, you have to understand, I know her. I trust her.
ARGYLE: (FALSE ASTONISHMENT) Well, what do you know? For once, the boss was right.
WILBERFORCE DASHWOOD: Right about what?
ARGYLE: He said you couldn't be trusted to think straight about Miss Chase.
WILBERFORCE DASHWOOD: Argyle, how dare you! I have half a mind to (TRAILS OFF) Oh, my head.
ARGYLE: It'll take a while for that headache to wear off. You just sit there, and I'll bring you your breakfast.
SOUND EFFECT: CLATTERING OF DISHES
WILBERFORCE DASHWOOD: Argyle, you culinary genius, are those mirelurk cakes? For breakfast? Wherever did you manage to find mayonnaise out here in the wasteland?
ARGYLE: (PLEASED) Heh, when I said 'hiding out in comfort', I wasn't kidding! Besides, mirelurk's pretty delicious.
WILBERFORCE DASHWOOD: You'll enjoy the wedding, then. Cassandra and I have already ordered enough softshell mirelurk meat to feed an army. It cost me a pretty pile of caps, let me tell you!
ARGYLE: (WARILY) That sounds delicious, but, Mr. Wilberforce, you aren't still going to marry her – are you?
WILBERFORCE DASHWOOD: Of course I am. I tell you, you're wrong about her. If Herbert doesn't rescue her, I will.
ARGYLE: (SIGHS) Oh, don't worry about that. The boss takes that kind of thing seriously. Sometimes too seriously. You mark my words, Mr. Wilberforce, your brother will rescue that dame, or die trying.
END SCENE
THEME MUSIC (“Jazzy Interlude”, Billy Munn)
HERBERT “DARING” DASHWOOD: (V.O.) Be sure to tune in next time for another exciting Adventure of me, Herbert “Daring” Dashwood, and my stalwart ghoul manservant, Argyle!
THEME MUSIC CONTINUES TO END
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"Daring" Dashwood's Wasteland Wanders
FanfictionDaring Dashwood - gentleman adventurer, or bumbling idiot? Find out as he and his valet, Argyle, brave the post-apocalyptic Capital Wasteland. Follow the continuing adventures of Herbert "Daring" Dashwood in this series of short scripts based on Fa...
