Downfall Of Amplification -Phan-

Currently Blank

I slip out of my office, passing a busy looking Phil in the process.  I really dislike the fact he saw me at a low point.  He doesn't even know me and yet now he does.  I feel it every time he looks at me.  It burns into my mind, makes my skin crawl.  Not even Mike gets to see that side of me.   All of that hopelessness that just spilled out like ink onto a page.  

I see him look up from his work and his eyes squint slightly at me.  He leans to the left to put on glasses or something.  I don't know, I'm already out the door walking down the corridor.  I find my way to the roof, this was once a place for just me.  A place where I would ponder life and death and if it was worth the jump.  I would step onto the edge and just look.  Always, always, my feet found the ground.  I didn't need his saving.  I should just fire him for even seeing me like that. 

I could, I am the boss here.  Fuck banana bread, I'm sure someone else can make a decent batch.  

"Hey."  A familiar low voice echoes from the door. 

My shoulders tighten and I clutch the edge, my nails digging into the cement, "I should fire you."  I say because that's how I feel.  And if I've earned anything from all this horrible crushing fame, it's the ability to say what I want. 

I don't hear a response for a little while so I assume he has gone away.  I watch the clouds move slowly above the towering buildings of London.  To my displeasure, Phil is still here, "If that would make you happy."

"I don't like it when people try to save me."  I bite as a breeze cuts over the roof. 

Phil stays behind me, good.  Stay there, I don't need any saving, "Well I don't like seeing someone kill themselves so."

I chuckle under my breath, "Okay, that's fair." 

"Mike sent me to ask about these documents."  This is when I turn around.  He has his glasses on and he's carrying a binder, "He said that you need to sign them or something."  

I scoff, I'm sure Mike's caught wind of my little stunt the other day.  The documents are not what he's sending, he's sending a pair of hands that are now trained to pull me off of that edge.  A burning hatred fills my stomach, not at Phil.  No, it's not at that stupid kid. It's at myself for showing that vulnerability to someone.  

"That's fine."  I nod, Phil is dressed in tight jeans and a white shirt.  Pretty casual for this line of work.  

"So you're going to be okay?"  And it would feel less like a shot to the head if he didn't have sincerity in his voice.  

I shrug and lean against the edge. 

Phil sighs and walks closer taking a seat on a lifted area of the roof across from me, "Really though?  Will you be okay?"

"Yeah, I think so."  I've been okay for twenty years.  I'll be okay for twenty minutes. 

Phil stretches to lean on his hands, his shoulders curled forward, "I think Mike sent me up here to check on you."

"Yep."  I agree and at that moment a siren wails in the distance.  What a beautiful city.

"Have you always lived in London?"  Phil asks and I don't appreciate his attempt at small talk.  I just want to be left alone.  Guess no one trusts me alone anymore.  Damn, I really ruined the one good thing going for me, didn't I?  I almost laugh at the thought, I would if it didn't end up making me look crazy. 

I shove my hands in my pockets and nod, "No, and you?"

"Yeah," Phil's eyes light up, he's probably excited that I asked him a question, "Just south of here, my mom, sister and I would walk around and admire everything." 

"You got along with your mum then?"  I ask because I have nothing better to do and he's not leaving. 

Phil nods, "Yeah, I did.  We have fallen through a bit, though."

"Why so?"  

"She doesn't handle finances to well and it just got messy.  She doesn't handle things the best anymore and we got in this fight about me moving out."  Phil purses his lips at the memory. 

"What about your dad?"  I ask and I'm happy that he's filling the silences.  That I don't have to talk. 

"He left when I was really young.  He has a new family now, I think.  I don't talk to him really, and you?" He should seem sad, not having a parent must suck but it's almost like he's used to it.  Like he's grown numb to the sadness he should feel.  And God if I can't relate, not the parent part, the sadness part.

I look up at the sky and yawn, today has been dragging on far too long, "I don't like my dad.  He always wanted me to be something I'm not.  Always tried to change me.  My mum and I get along well, I suppose.  I don't visit as much as I should but she has my sister to keep her company."

"You have a sister?"  Phil asks, "I didn't know that."

"Her name's Monica, yeah."  Phil doesn't respond like he's waiting for me to elaborate, so I do, "She works with my mom at a music shop that my dad owns."  

"Family business?"  Phil asks his eyes focused on me, bright and curious.  He's so youthful. 

"Yep, my dad wanted me to take it over.  Have the men be in charge." I snort, "My mother has done more for that business than he ever has.  My sister will probably inherit it to my dad's displeasure.  He's an ass." 

Phil starts laughing and I squint at him in confusion.  He places a hand on his chest as he does so, his eyebrows pulled up.

"What?"  I ask in a harder tone than I intended.

"I just imagine you owning a shop of your own.  Something quaint, not a big business."  Phil shakes his head, "I'm sorry, just a funny idea." 

"I used to be normal, once."  I chuckle under my breath as a chilly wind sweeps over us.

Phil rocks forward a bit, "I don't think you've ever been normal."

"You can't say that.  You haven't known me my whole life."  I roll my eyes at the naivety of Phil.

Phil shrugs, "Feels like it practically grew up with you. You know, with you releasing your album when I was in school." He rambles on and flickers his eyes as if he's now uncomfortable with bringing up the subject. 

I shrug, these conversations feel looped, "I'm fine.  You can go back to work." 

Phil smiles a bit and stands up brushing his shirt down, "Alright, just come in soon so that Mike won't be too worried." 

I nod and face the city remembering the unsigned documents tightly held in Phil's hands.  

AN: okay, it's been 10 billion years.  I am aware.  I haven't been uploading weekly as promised.  But I vowed to try VERY hard to.  So even if I don't upload every week, pls know I am trying.  I have work and school and mentally rn i'm not the best.