Nothing

Stuff

Aloha. I'm guessing you kinda wanna know why I started this book. I'm just really tired of being a pathetic loser girl and not having anyone to pity me. Ps. Make sure not to pity me. I'd like to suffer, thank you very much.

Basically, this is my book. I do what I want in it. If I feel like calling you people out there who were so bored they came to me crazy or seriously stupid, then I will do it. If you don't like it, hmm... here's a thought... DELETE THE FUDGING BOOK! Jahulla! You try so hard these days! But no. So yeah. Obey me or get the fudge out of my fudging face fudge heads. Cappuccino? Cappuccino.

I just feel alone and shiz so here I am, talking to myself. The little nobody with the hideous looking face. Honestly. You guys should see me. You would freak. It's like... a wappalapadingdong merged with a fudging sloth. Is there uglier?

And then there's the other one. OMG! SHE IS SO PRETTY AND SMART AND AWESOME AND NICE AND FRIENDLY AND ALWAYS SMILING AND THE BEST PART? SHE IS NOTHING LIKE HER TWIN SISTER. They are like... so different. But they have the same ears.

I mean... what the fudge. Who looks between twins and only notices the bloody ears. What is wrong with these people! Man! And the girl says she wishes she was me. Crybaby little female dog. She says I thrive on pity. But Daaaaaaaaaaaang, I've said worse. Waaaaay worse. She can't even compare her fudging purr to my roar. Say hello to chez moi.

Let me start with a visual description with a large amount of hyperbole. My hair is a fudging bird nest. It's the saddest lump of trash I've ever set eyes upon. Apart from me of course. It's like a fudging barber stalker dude slipped into my house at 1AM then found out I was awake and waited till 4 when I finally dropped the damn phone and shaved the back of my head. Seriously. I'm keeping my eyes on you barber dude. 👀😑😡. It's ugly as I am stupid.

Johnny : next up, the eyebrows! Do you see anything Katie?

Katie : absolutely nothing Johnny. It's a total wax up there!

Johnny : it's incredible! Never in my years as an illusion of the mind have I seen such balding. You should see her hair. An absolute riot!

Katie : I already have and I assure you I'm not ready to see that anytime soon.

Johnny : And now, we have her eyes. Never seen such dullness in my life.

Katie : true that Johnny, true that.

Johnny : now, before we get to the monstrous pimpled fiends, we have a special view of that schnoz of hers.

Katie : my oh my, never in my years have I seen such a monstrosity. Is that, is that flat as a pancake? My word!  Egad man! That snot storage needs a doc, stact!

*nose is reeled in to the doctors room. Hey hear grunts and heaves and thumps and splats.*

Johnny : it's the final moments. We can only hope that the poor bugar bringer outer will be fine.

Katie : but George Snottington has been working with mishapen noses for years! Even that special segment with the towel. He had no nose.  Thought he was dead. He can handle this one... right?

*the curtain opens. I huge cart with a lump covered by a green blanket is brought into the scene.*

George : I tried my best. But what really complicated matters? That catarrh she's been having. Took its toll I'm afraid.

Katie : that means...

George : yes. She has flataspancakeiosis.

Johnny : that's terrible doc. What does this mean for her?

George : her nose will be flat as a pancake... FOREVER! *jingle bells are heared. They all glare at the sound guy who blushes and changes it to thunder while they share a horrified look as they take of the blankie*

Johnny : it's... it's... it's... ugh!

Katie : *vomits into seat, looks up and vomits again*

Johnny : we know you're all dying to know why this hideous person is. And what on earth is going on with the pimples these days. We'll meet her later in the show, right after this.

*ZUGLY! the only cream that can satisfy your growing ugly body. Just apply this invisible cream all over you're body and it leaves you looking way more suckish than before. Don't believe us? Ask Atila the Hun. Died centuries ago and still hideous.

Atila : thanks Gladys.

Special edition pimply mayhem, just for those back to school kids. Free.99 each sold together*