Nothing

Stuff 2

Johnny : we're back. I'm Johnny

Katie : and I'm... not feeling well. BLEECH! #😝

Johnny : and this... is the moment we've all been waiting for. Get your vomit bags ready everyone *audience take out bags* bring her out!

Me : . . .

Everyone : . . .

Me : . . .

Everyone : . . .

Me : . . . Uh... hi?

*the whole audience puke simultaneously and keeps puking. The place smells sick*

Me : hello?

*more puking. It smells bloody ghastly sick in there*

Me : you guys really need to stop -

*more BLEECH as some people run up to get more. It smells like a graveyard just died. Then was reborn for thirty days in a dark burrito of garlic sick. Then died again.*

Me : WOULD YOU QUIT IT WITH THE FUDGING PUKING?!?!?!!!!!!

*puking ends. Then a little boy yells MA'AM, YOU LOOK LIKE SICK and the puking begins again*

Me : I'm wearing a paper bag now, you happy ya nasties?

Audience : yep.

Johnny : Um . . . Let's get back to it now. Next up, the ghastly pimply fiends on her face! Just hideous! Look at that Katie!

Katie : 😖😶😮😐😣😵😱😫😨 BLEECH!!

Johnny : here's an essay done by an antibody, Hera Cne Sucksgr8ly

ACNE ANARCHY WITH THE PIMPLY FIENDS

It's been a terrible battle with the pimpled pomps on her fiendish face. The battle is brutal. They keep springing up and doing whatever they like, on her nasty nose, her chewy cheeks and her cha cha chin, and as hard as the Antibody Army tries, it seems they are never leaving this place.

All hope forgotten, we are all waiting silently for the day when the A.R.M.A.G.G.E.D.O.N. puts an end to us all. Signing in now, and possibly for the last time, Hera Cne Sucksgr8ly

Ps. HER ACNE SUCKS GR8LY!!!

Johnny : that was... terrible.

Katie : may their souls rest in peace. A minute of silence please, for Hera and all who are yet to and have been crushed by these pompous pimply pimps.

Everyone : . . .

Johnny : now it's time for another one of her horrific features. And it's a doozey. Her teeth!

*pic of a yellow set of uneven show on the screen. Puke commences immediately*

Me : well excuse me, but I happen to think my teeth are just fine!

Katie : and excuse me, but those are the ugliest set of teeth I've ever laid eyes upon.

Audience : agreed.

Me : whatever😒

Johnny : as you can see here, these tough teeth have been gathering dirt and rubble for years, it is a wonder they aren't totally disabled by now. Here's what they have to say to you.

*interview with her teeth. They're behind a curtain. The mic held out to her*

Jane : so what do you think of -

Teeth : *grabs mic* that little ***** has been ******* up my ****** life from the beginning with her ******* ****** *** and her stupid goodies and stupid sweets. Yo ***** why can't you take care of me ******* it! I've always been good to you, but you just pay me back with this you *****************-

Jane : *stand up, looking like she just had a run in with godzilla and lived to tell the tale and grabs the mic like a fudging savage* back to you in the studio! *cracks her knuckles and dives into the teeth with her elbow, both fall to the ground. Tape shows static*

Johnny : geez girl, what be you been feeding that thing!

Me : nothing! Just pizza, icecream, chocolate, candy, burgers, sharwarma, peanut BUTTER, jam, sausage rolls, meat pies, doughnuts, HUGE biscuits, cookies, egg love that, did I mention chocolate? I did? I wanna say it again. CHOCLA-

Katie : no wonder.

Me : 😑no wonder what?

Katie : no wonder you're so fat! *looks down at her eight figure body and smiles to herself😏*

Me : you do know your in my subconscious right?😈

Katie : . . . AAH!

Me : hello Tammy! I saw you in Ghostbusters. Spot on performance👌

Katie : CHANGE ME RIGHT NOW!

Me : kay kay😌😇

Katie : AAH!

Me : OMGOSH Trish! I loved you at Austin and Ally! What was that line again?

Katie : YOU'RE -

Me : FIRED! Right! And you as Paul Blart's kid? Awesome sauce!

Katie : 😡

Me : bye bye now *she yelps and disappears. The audience gasps* does anyone else wanna piece? *heads shake* good. Gladys?

Gladys : and with that, we enter what may be the worst of it all... her obesity!

Me : hey!

Johnny : let's face it, she's huge!

Me : HEY. . . Yeah. It's true. I'm an Ellie Elephant!

Gladys : so how does it feel having such a freakishly large belly?

Me : it sucks.

Gladys : okay. Moving on.

Me : can I go home now?

Johnny : nope.

Gladys : oh my gosh! We forgot... the brows.

Audience : GASP!

Me : did you really just say-

Johnny : you can't even call them eyebrows. They're mutants! MUTANTS!

Gladys : you might think they're huge and unibrow like my friend Deuce from that T.V show, but it's worse. They're. . . They're . . . HAIRLESS!

Johnny : ghastly!

Gladys : yes indeedy Jonathan. Yes indeedy.

Johnny : atrocious. She has practically no hair at all. It's a wonder her head isn't completely bald.

Me : if only you people could see the death glare I was shooting you.

Gladys : we'd rather not. You'd probably kill us😊

Me : true.

Johnny : and that's the end of our program. Up next, a live show of her feet, teeth, eyes, nose, and eyebrows along with her stomach give their mistress a slow painful death.

Me : WAIT WHAT NOW!!

Gladys : yes Johnny. It's true. It's gonna be a doozey. Quite a sight to see.

Me : WHAT'S THIS ABOUT ME BEING GIVEN A SLOW PAINFUL DEATH?!?!

Johnny : and it's all happening right after that stupid commercial about that girl with cancer or something. You're dying! No one cares!

Me : well first of all, *slaps Johnny* it does matter you a-aholic a-hole! Second, AM I GOING TO DIE OR WHAT?!?! GIVE ME ANSWERS!

Gladys : yep. This was your body!😊

Me : that's it. If I go down, you're coming down with me! *takes of bag* DIE EVIL ALIEN SCUM!!

*EVERYONE DIES AND THE WHOLE WORLD BLOWS*

Tatararada, tata! 😊