The Diary of A Mixed Girl

11.30.13

11.30.13

omg today's was an extremely stressful day...so I have a boyfriend Eli and an ex named Justyn so ive had feelings for both of them for a while and I just didn't say nothing but today I was talking to my Bessie and she said that I should tell them...so I did Justyn said he understood and would love me no matter what choice I made Eli said he understood but I was testing his best friend who is like a big brother to me who was with him at the time and he said he was crying and he didn't know why so I told him everything...me and him talked for a little bit and he gave me some great advice...I also talked to my Bessie Bree who is Justyns cousin she told me not to listen to what anyone says....she told me to do what she and I both know calls me down...listen to Nicki Minaj and go write a song and just think....soooo that's what I did for a good 3 hours...but I kept getting text from Eli and my brother....I just ignored them...most of Elis were him telling me to do what my heart wants and my bros were mainly him telling me why I should be with Eli instead of Justyn...I ignored them ALL until Eli sent me a youtube link....the link was for the song "I Promise You" by Frankie J I hadn't listened to it in a while so I listened to it and I burst into tears they were falling down me cheeks like a waterfall getting my song book all wet and making my mascara run...when I finally stopped crying I went to the bathroom and looked at myself...I look a mess I then went back to my room and pulled out my razors and started cutting at first short and shallow but then I lost it and started making very deep slow cuts....I then started crying and cried for another hour while listening to that song on repeat....after a few hours I finally decided to tell everyone my decision...after all that I realized that I didn't deserve a guy as amazing as Eli but after everything our relationship has been through he has still stayed loyal to me and hasn't hurt me not once...to this day I don't understand why he chose me when he could've had any other girl out there and I asked him and he replied

"see that's the thing maybe I could've had any other girl out there but not one of them is anything like you I love you more than the stars in the sky babygirl I love you more  than life itself all those others girls aren't you and you're perfect you're the one for me"

he is truly amazing and I love him so much :)

me and him were meant for eachother I can feel it when we just text I can tell we were made for eachother...we each know when the other one is hurting even if they don't say it...and that and many more reasons are why I'm staying with the love of my life Elias Trivet Bloodsaw ♥∞

Now don't get me wrong Justyn is a sweet and amazing guy and I feel like such a bitch for putting him through this...when I told him my choice he told me he understood and he knew Eli was the one for me and that hes happy that I'm happy and he said to remember that he will love me no matter what and that if I ever need anything that I know how to get in touch with him....sooooo yea Eli is my boyfriend and I guess Justyn is my best guy friend...after Eli of course lol