Thoughts vs urges

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"Hmm should i or shouldn't i ?" i thought to myself as i lay  there silently in the dark. 

As i turn to turn on my last on my bed side table i run my hand over a box a box that contains my blades 

I turn my last on and pick up the box and open it a found the newest sharpest blade in the box but before i could cut myself i started crying but i tried too cry quietly as to not alrert  the others

once i calmed down and stopped crying i grabbed a tissue from my bed side table and wiped my tears away 

Now that i was back to before i placed the blade down hard on my arm and pulled i did this twice an my arms and twice on my legs after that i wiped all the blood away and went to sleep. 

When i woke up in the morning i moaned remebering i had school so  i got ready i had a shower reluctent to put my fresh cuts under the water knowing  how much it would hurt but i did and it stung like hell. 

When i got out of the shower i picked my clothes for the day they were a Black Veil Brides T-shirt a black zip up hoddie  black  skinny jeans and black Converses 



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