I'm done with this incompatible state of mind
Reality is what I define
All I need is to realign
Too many hours looking for truth I'll never know
Truth is I never knew where to go
Neither with nor against the flow
Heart racing for something that does not exist
Recollecting opportunities missed
Mental barriers to resist
Make myself do it
Push myself through it
Otherwise I'll end up where I began
Playing into my shadow's hand
The future is a double edged sword
To contemplate beats head against board
The future cuts both friend and foe
A blade that delivers hope and sorrow
And I can't even understand the present
A coin toss of who I could and will fail to be
And I don't want to believe in destiny
Catch and balance it on the side
To see if it could, if it could be done, if it will be done
That is what I decide
Sitting on my ass in this incompatible state of mind
Watching everything I want fall behind
Wondering if I even wanted anything at all
Hoping this balance will not fall
I never desired anything, no meaning in anything, no need for anything
I've never hoped to be anyone, never wanted to see anyone, never needed anyone
Here I am doing nothing, through my eyes see nothing, in my heart feel nothing
But I don't want to be this way anymore
Can't go on like this anymore
I need something more
Because if I don't, I won't be able to keep living anymore
I want to go somewhere
I want to need someone
And when I find the emptiness again, the hollow of feeling's lack thereof again, when drive is at an end
I'll make my own
