"Do not the tell them that I love you" - A rewritten fanfic from the past

Chapter 2: Morning classes and thoughts

"Finley mate! It has honestly been way too long since I last saw you!". Yes, Michael, it has indeed been way too long. You at least had a fun 2 weeks off whilst I practically didn't even do a single thing other than gaming and sleeping. I cannot complain about my weeks, no definitely not but to say that it had been good? No, not really. I looked up at Michael and saw the sparkle in his eyes. Michael was never unhappy or upset. He takes life for what it is and always seizes the moment, unlike me. "Hey, Michael! I can tell you have a good one, haven't you? Australia sounds so sick!" I finally speak.

I often find myself drowning in my thoughts. Dozing off is never hard and usually a coping mechanism for anxiety, which is something I highly need on these anxiety-inducing days. As I have said before, the first school days are the most difficult ones. I refuse to believe that it is almost summer again. That means that after that, we will be in our last year of high. The last year! "Ah yes, Finley! I had the most flabbergasting time of my life! Australia is astonishing! We should definitely try to go there after our exams next year!" Sure thing Michael! I will with no doubt have enough money for that. Of course, I would never be able to pay for such an expensive trip. I work at Del Costa for 3 days of the week, mainly after school. It sure does the job of paying me enough to keep myself alive with food and games, however, I highly doubt if it will be enough for a trip to the kangaroos.

"That would honestly be amazing... if I were to get paid more for my shitty coffee job." Michael gave me a smile. His smiles could light up the world. "Finley, I am sure you will be capable of paying for the trip! I can't wait!" He is such a good guy. I wish there were more people like Michael. I couldn't have wished for a better friend than him. His smile, his positive vibe, the warmth and the support this man gave me is something people should learn from.

We hopped on the bus and as soon as we sat down, I had started to doze off. Michael must have been talking about his trip; however, I cannot recall a single thing he had said. I was wondering how these last weeks of the school year were going to go. Will the upcoming weeks be stressful? What is going to happen at school parties? How am I going to cope? What if I can't do it? What if I end up failing? What if, what if, what if.... "Finley! Did you even listen?" My mind is racing, my heartbeat is going faster, I can't feel my hands and there we are. I am lost. Lost in a sea of bad memories. A sea of terrible school days, panic attacks, feeling numb.

"Hey Finley, calm down I am sure it won't be too bad. It's okay don't you worry." Michael always knew how to get me out of the bad cycle I sometimes ended up in. I needed him more than anyone in the world.

First-class of the morning had to be math. Just like the other 80% of the world population, I hate math. Numbers and equations do not really excite me, especially not on Monday mornings. The teacher greeted us. Mister Lowland was never interesting and always mean. Asking questions is perhaps more dangerous than jumping off a cliff. His classes are a hell to go to which is why I am always wishing to fade away during them.

"Class! I said shut your mouth! Sit down and listen." Everybody quietly sat down as the last student walked in. "Where are your books?" He yelled at a kid, pointing at his table. I was always scared that he would come up to me to shout. Let's just say that my anxiety level is above average throughout his classes.

Unlike most schools, we have fixed seating plans which is pretty unfortunate. Even though school knows about my anxiety issues, they simply do not care about my wellbeing. I am never situated near any of my friends. This has been the best spot so far as I am finally not near any of the jocks or the way too annoying popular girls.

Michael, on the other hand, has an amazing spot near the back of the classroom. He has the rest of our friend group around him, which is honestly the dream. Michael and I share the same group of friends. We are talking about 4 more people whom we had met on our first day here.

Zane Holland, Oscar Lester, Holly Wellington and Mia Dalling. On our first day here, we had noticed them hitting it off already and as soon as we had walked over to them, we knew we had found the right group. Zane and Oscar have known each other since they were toddlers. They have such a natural bond and never fail to make us laugh. An iconic duo, one might say. Holly is the oldest one of the group and a definite mom friend. She cares a lot about you and won't leave you until you're happy and well. Mia is shy, like me, and is the smallest of the group. Once Mia feels comfortable, she is the most enthusiastic and supportive friend ever. Mia and I have a great bond because we both share a love for Animal Crossing.

Animal Crossing, the game that had helped me through the darkest of times. Whenever I felt anxious and sad, I would just whip out my DS and listen to the calming soundtrack as I wandered around my town, hoping to find a villager that was also still awake. It used to be my go-to coping mechanism. It was never hard for the game to make me feel sleepy in a matter of seconds which saved many nights from being sleepless.