Recipe for each Sign

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Aries: 1 tbsp of cinnamon, 3 baseball trophies, 2.5 lbs of sexy, a pinch of crazy.

Taurus: 1 pound of Doritos, 1 pound of chill, a bottle of wine. Bake at 69 degrees for an hour.

Gemini: argue with a box of funfetti cupcake mix until your head explodes. Douse it with Smirnoff and serve cold.

Cancer: 7 cups of sugar, 1 quart of black coffee, 4 slashed tires.

Leo: 5 ounces of orange juice, 1 tube of toothpaste, a year's worth of witty jokes, a tbsp of narcissism.

Virgo: a library card, 3 cups of sarcasm. Don't add salt, Virgo is salty af already.

Libra: 10 cherries (pitted), 22 drunk texts to your ex, a liter of tears.

Scorpio: Add a handful of metal utensils to a microwave and heat for 30 minutes.

Sagittarius: 3 quarts of coconut milk, 2 sticks of dynamite, 1 tsp of wanderlust.

Capricorn: a stack of Benjamins, 3 glasses of chocolate milk, 1 pair of sensible dress shoes. Pour over ice and drink with a bendy straw.

Aquarius: 1 can of emotional swerve, 1 season of Ancient Aliens, a whole jalapeno.

Pisces: a gram of weed, 2 energy drinks, an acoustic guitar. Bake until inspired.

    

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