"What else do you need?" Zayn throws a couple of pillows into his car, stuffing it into the corner of his trunk. I look up at my former house, sighing loudly. "Amber..." Zayn sighs out, and I bite my lip- holding back tears.
"She can't be gone. She can't be- I won't accept it. Zayn she can't be gone." I bury my face into Zayn's chest, his heartbeat pounding in my ears.
"She isn't gone, she's still with you." I shake my head and I feel myself being forced off of Zayn's chest. "Listen to me Amber, she's still here. Even if you can't see her or touch her or hold her, she's still here. I promise." He squeezed my shoulders before pulling me back into a tight hug.
"Thanks Zayn." I sigh into his chest. Zayn has been the only one there for me lately, ever since my moms death. I've had no friends except him. I've had no support except him. I've had nothing except him. He was everything I had, needed, and wanted.
"No problem. Is that all?" I shake my head, walking back into the house.
"When is the realtor coming to look at the house?" I ask, looking around the empty house I used to call home. I glance at the empty living room, a place where my mom and I would play board games whenever the power was out because we usually had some bad storms here.
"Tomorrow. He said that everything had to be out today or else." Zayn places his arm around me, cuddling me.
"Or else what?" I look up at him, and he stares down at me.
"He didn't say. I'm sure he'd sell it, realtors always look for extra money. They're thirsty cunts." I chuckle, walking into the kitchen. My mom and I would always bake cookies for school fundraisers, hoping to raise money for some kind of cause. My mom's peanut butter cookies were always a hit with the elders however, we always sold plenty of them.
"I miss my mom. I'll probably regret getting rid of this house- it has too many memories." I shake my head, looking hopefully up at Zayn.
"I'm sure you can come back to visit. I mean, almost everything can be undone." Zayn shrugs, looking up at the ceiling. Water stains colored the ceiling.
"They're not going to sell it." I shuffle my feet, leaning on the counter. "Too many damn water stains in this kitchen. We always had leaks in the upstairs."
"I think this is enough." Zayn clears his throat, knowing if I stayed in this house any longer I'd change my mind about moving in with him. "Do you have everything?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
We finally finished moving in the rest of my stuff, boxes scattered everywhere.
"Zayn I'm not so sure about this...." I trail off, wiping sweat off my forehead.
"Why babe?" He looks at me concerned, placing a box down beside the ratty old couch.
"What if this doesn't work out? What if we have this huge fight or something that drastically changes everything?" I wipe my palms on my shirt, plopping down on the couch. I seriously didn't want to fight with Zayn but hey, it might happen.
"I don't think that'll happen babe." Zayn chuckled at me, sitting beside me. "I wouldn't let a fight do that to us, you're super nice."
"I'm not nice." I shake my head, gazing at Zayn. If things didn't work out here, I had nowhere to go. My mom was dead and I wasn't sure where the hell half of my family was, since my mom only contacted half of the family half of the time. They only came around during Christmas and Thanksgiving, so I didn't know them too well.
"You're nicer than what most people have been towards me. Most of the time I get dirty looks because I look like I will steal their shit. I'm an outsider, so I didn't ever really had any friends until I saw you on that bridge." Zayn clears his throat, fumbling with his fingers.
"I can't believe that. You're too sweet." I scoot closer to Zayn, limiting the space in between us.
"I had plenty of friends in younger grades but ever since I turned 14, everything changed. My friends distanced me because 'I looked like a thug'. It hurt me a lot, and I do mean a lot." Zayn sniffles and I cuddle my head into the crook of his shoulder.
"It's okay now..." I trail off, and Zayn nods.
"I want to tell you something but, I'm not sure how to put it. I used to be like this too, like you. I used to self harm, I used to do everything I could to harm myself. I started doing drugs and I developed an alcohol problem. My family never knew though, I hid it from them. I pushed them farther and farther away until I realized what I was exactly doing."
I grabbed Zayn's hand, squeezing it. "I hope you're better."
"I am. I decided that I needed to quit, and so I did. I did complete cold turkey, not going to parties and not contacting anybody with drugs. I eventually told my parents and siblings, and they weren't shock. Turned out it was obvious that I was doing that kind of stuff."
"Why didn't they step in?"
"I don't know, they never told me. They never really helped me either, since I told them that I quit cold turkey style. I kept cutting though, but then I stopped around age 17..." Zayn trails off and then looks down at me. "You're the first person to know this."
"Why haven't you told anybody else?" I gaze at the wall, it's beige color making me become sleepy. I felt seriously bad for Zayn because of his past, but know I felt as if I had somebody to finally understand me.
"There was nobody there."
"I'm here now." I flicker my eyes up at him before gazing down at his hand wrapped in mine. His warm nature took me over, gulping me whole.
"I know, that's why I'm telling you."
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I'm really sorry I haven't updated lately!!
