It's Your Choice

Chapter 14 : Us Talking?

Aaron's P.O.V

I walk in and close the door. When I do I look at Casey and see she tucks her hair behind her left ear.

She then gestures with her hand for me to come sit on the bed.

I sit on the bed and say ," You don't have too." She then shakes her head and says ," Yes, Aaron I do. It's taken me long enough to say this out loud please don't stop me."

I straighten up and pull my legs up onto the bed and sit crossed legs like she does and I then say ," I also have a lot on my mind."

She then says ,"Well, we can both talk it out now. I will start." There is a sudden pause as she sighs and takes a deep breath and says ," I am tired, Aaron. Tired of fighting. And not fighting for our us because that I will never get tired of. I am tired of fighting with you every single day over something that could've stayed, words we shouldn't have said. That we should've kept to each other."

I interrupt her and say ,"I feel the same way because to be honest with you Casey I was planning on marrying you. I don't want to fight over me stepping over the line of you still being hurt. I am hurt as well. Not just physically but mentally to. Mentally I can't stop wondering where you are, who you are with, what you are doing, are you happy doing it. All those little things I asked might have been a little to snoopy or nosey. It's just I haven't seen you in so long I don't want to lose you again. Not to anyone else. Not to something else and when this accident happened I went completely insane."

She takes my hand and I stop completely. Utterly shocked at her small gesture. She then says ," It's okay, Aaron. I understand that it was hard for you. It was just as hard for me. Not holding you hand, cuddling on the couch..." she looks up from our hands straight into my eyes and continues ,"... our Sunday morning tradition. I never once stopped doing that. And I am sorry if I got angry at you asking out about everything and everyone it's just that I thought you didn't care about me because of you leaving all of a sudden."

A single tear slips from her face. I wipe it off and say ," The day I stop caring for you is the day that the sky falls. You mean everything to me. Every single day when I was in chemo I cried. Seeing my mother so helpless making me feel utterly useless and you know I hate feeling that..." she nods at what I just said. I then continue ,"... my dad clenching his jaw holding back tears, staying strong for my mother. And the only people that kept me going was my parents and you. On the worst days I would look through photos of us happy, you smiling. And I would actually start to cry."

She then says ," To be honest with you... I cried for six months on end. Day in day out. Staying strong, learning not to burst into tears when people asked me questions about you but as soon as I got home I broke down my barriers and let the water flow. I cried so much there wasn't tears left in my body, I cried blood. And if I started to cry blood I would strengthen myself up and read to get my mind of it. To stop crying. My sadness turned into anger which led to me doing boxing, MMA, kickboxing and I doubled my sets and reps on my gym plan. That is why I look like this now. I tried dating other people but it didn't work. I was just so use to you. Use to us. I never stopped hoping you would come back. There was always this place at the back of my mind praying for you to come back. And when you came back my brain attacked you and my heart was to shocked to comprehend with the fact that you came back. I never stopped loving you, Aaron. Not even for a single minute. Last year I made myself forget that you left. Made myself think you did have a valid reason. Forgetting you was the hardest thing to do."

I look down at our intertwined hands and up straight into her eyes and say ," First of all. Your body is just as beautiful as ever. I still love every inch of you inside and out. Secondly I love you too death. I will never forget you no matter what. You loved me when everyone else felt it was impossible. All you wanted for me was the best and that's what I have right here..." I slowly kiss her hand and continue ,"...You made me quit bad habits in sake of my health and I need to tell you that you really did help me. The doctor there said if I smoked any longer or drank heavier I wouldn't have made it where I am today. You saved my life and how to I repay you. I fucking leave you. I leave you with no explanation, no reason, no nothing. I am such a fucking idiot."

She shakes her head and says ,"You are not an idiot, Aaron. You never were and I realize that now. Yes I know I have been harsh to you but it's just that I am hurt. I am hurt because you didn't trust me enough to tell me your reason for leaving. You didn't care enough to tell me. Where I could've supported you through all this. This pain you are struggling to overcome. I could've been there for support. A shoulder to lean on. I could've been your temporary amnesia."

I straighten my back at her words that stung a little bit because they are anything but true I can't believe she would think that. I then calmly say ," That is not true, Casey. Not even a little bit. I thought I was saving you. Saving you from things you should never witness. Things I never want you to witness. Yes I wanted you by my side for support but I didn't want you to see how I looked. I didn't look like the Aaron I do now. I was ugly and pale and a whole lot skinner. I looked like I was going to die any second. How could I have let you see me like that? How could I have told you I have that I have cancer, Casey? How do you tell someone who means the world to you at the age of 17?"

She gasps and lets go of my hands to cover her mouth. She burst into tears and I realized I just told her I have cancer. She then looks up at me and asks ,"Cancer? Do you really have cancer?"

I nod and say ," Yes I do, Casey. See your reaction would've been way worse if I told you before because your first thought when I tell you cancer is automatically death. I would've came back when I was cured but they said I wad strong enough to go to college if I wanted to... and obviously I would want to get out of that hell hole. And it wasn't in my plan to see you in this college nevermind in the same dorm room. I was planning on looking for you at art contests and art exhibits, museums, everywhere. Yet here I am talking to you. Not fighting. For the first time thank God."

She takes deep breaths and asks," Would you have really went through all that trouble for me? To look for me. I actually realize that now. That we aren't fighting. Can I ask you one more question, though?"

I then immediately know what the question is. I answer saying ," I have blood cancer." She relaxes a little bit and says between sobs ," That is one of the worst types of cancer. How did they keep it under control for longer then a year?"

I then calmly say ," My parents having the worlds money they flew in every high ranked cancer specialist they could find to help me. Luckily we caught it early. You remember I told you I came in a accident with my bike and needed stitches?" She nods and I continue ,"...Well they tested my blood to see if I had some sort of infection and that's when they picked it up. As soon as they told my parents my mom cried obviously because like I said. First thought - death."

She then says ,"Now I feel like an asshole for being mad at you for leaving. I would have been there to support you. I know we aren't married but in sickness and in health I will be by your side. We are both sick and that's okay. We are both hurt but our hearts are still strong enough to love each other and I am proud to say I love you."

I smile and ask ," So, Casey Blue will you give me another chance?" She slowly nods and I get extremely excited. I finally have her back. I can finally call her mine again. She then smiles and says ," It's going to be hard for me to treat you the same as I always did. Considering I just found out you have blood cancer. But I will try my best to be as we were before. I have to process all the information you just gave me. I want to take it slow and catch up to everything that happened while we weren't together. I want to get use to the fact that you have cancer. I want to get use to the chemo. The medicine. The healing process. I want you. I love you."

I lean in and kiss her on her forehead and say ," I love you." She then smiles and says ," Too." I then lean back and say ," No, not too. I don't love you in addition to you loving me. I would love you even if you hated me. You just happened to say it first now."

She smiles and says ," I missed you so so much." I hug her on top of her hospital bed and say softly say ," The times that I missed you are uncountable."

I can feel her cheek smile across mine. I let go and look at her and say ," I missed seeing that beautiful smile of yours."

She touches my cheek and says ," I missed everything about you."

I smile and we cuddle up against each other. We lay there in silence.

I think to myself. I finally got her back. My prayers have been answered. I then say in my head ," Thank you, Lord for bringing my Casey back to me."