As I chug down another bottle of beer to add up to the empty, and almost countless ones on the table, I said "Why does it have to hurt so much? Do I deserve this?"
I can feel it, the irony. The club is almost shaking because of the sound of the speakers. There are lots of people partying, making out, colorful lights flickering... and then there's me, sulking at a table because of a severely broken heart.
It hurts so much, as if a thousand knives are stabbing my heart, in and out, all at once. It hurts so much, as if heaven and earth collided against one another and with me, being the one in between. It hurts so much, but I'm not feeling any tears run down my alcohol corrupted face.
It hurts so much that I think my eyes have become numb from all the crying.
Being someone who is physically capable of doing sport related things professionally, this is very ironic. Kung anong lakas ng katawan ko sa laro, siya namang hina ng puso ko pagdating sa ganito.
Does it really have to hurt this bad?
This hot mess is named Alyssa Valdez. Yes, I am that girl. The one who's successful, as said by other people. I'm that person who's wanted by men... and unexpectedly, even a few women. I'm that sporty female who is now having an emotional breakdown.
"Besh, you don't have to do this to yourself. Maawa ka naman sa liver mo. Robin Padilla might come out of nowhere, sige ka."
And that? That's Ella, talking. One of my best friends. She's been there since college, and will probably stay until forever.
"Guess who brought more shots? Bottoms up, ladies!"
This person right here, is Amy. Yup, one of my best friends too. She's originally from New Zealand but stayed here because she learned how to love the Philippines, she said. But personally, I think it's because 'di niya kami maiwan. Friends for life, like people say.
"Amy... Alyssa's had enough. 'Di pa ba halata? She looks like she could rob a bank with a pair of toy guns if given the opportunity and motivation." Ella said, while rejecting what Amy brought to the table which seemed like colorful and tempting shots.
"But look at her, she needs this. She needs to forget reality for a moment, for tonight." Amy said, after taking down a shot.
"Reality... huh? That stuff hurts people. Why does it even exist?" my poetic self said, as I tried to take a shot glass with my defective motor skills due to the influence of the alcohol on my system.
"Alam mo besh, you should write a book or something while you're drunk. You'd be the modern Aristotle of our era! Nakakaloka naman philosophy mo eh." Ella tried to kid. But I just laughed it off as I took down the shot I managed to get earlier. My throat felt the familiar heat as the alcohol proceeded down my stomach.
"But I do agree with Aly. Reality is harsh, isn't it? It just makes us feel temporarily happy, then messes us up, big time. Right when we least expect it." Amy added to my "drunk philosophy".
"Finally, someone who can relate to me." I let out a weak smile as I remembered how she would also agree to the most random thoughts that would come up to my mind. But then this... this happened to us.
"You know what?" I said, as I took down another shot, hoping it would take my grieving heart away.
"I'm tired... of everything. Of loving, of caring, of losing the things I love the most. I hope this is all just an illusion." I said, with drunk and warm eyes that could barely focus on anything but the empty bottles placed on the table, and giggling at the fact that we have something in common...
...we're both used, and empty to the last drop.
My two friends remained quiet, as if waiting for me to blab out more from my drunk mind.
I continued, "I would turn back time to repeat some moments I cherished the most, even if I end up like this over and over again. I would live on this reality just to get another experience of things, and remake the memories again with the person who broke me into pieces, even if it's all illusive.
Because Dennise, is my best reality."
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Do let me know about your feedback, guys! If you have advices, feel free to give them :)
