Letters to a Boy

letter 31 | toxins

september 23
8.00 am

dear plusle,

i know when you look at me, you see someone who is selfless and pure. but everytime i see myself in the mirror, i can only see the reflection of someone who is selfish and toxic.

i'm scared. i might ruin you or shatter you like that glass i dropped on the kitchen floor. i'll get the big pieces lodged in my memory, the tiny ones stuck in my skin and heart.

i am not a blessing. i am the toxins that slowly kill you. i am the vultures who circle your body looking for something to satisfy their hunger. i am the cold gun in your hand, waiting for you to take another shot. i am the dread in the pit of your stomach.

you are everything i'm not, everything i can't be. you are bright. brighter than you realise. you're smart, so goddamned smart. you make me feel so small. you are everything you should be. life is going so well for you.

i don't want to mess that up. and i will. i know i will. it's one of those things that you can read between blurred lines.

i'm sorry,
finn