Cocaine Rose (Urban)

Chapter 1

Alexander Graham Bell once said that "when one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us". Although he was a brilliant man I'm not sure I believe him. In this past year it seemed like all doors were closed for me and that they would remain closed. Ever since my father passed away 9 months ago my life has been a few notches short of hell and now to top it off we're moving. My mom was offered an accounting job in Georgia which means bye bye windy city, hello peach state. When my mom told me we would be leaving Chicago I didn't have much to say. My dads' murder trial had taken a huge toll on my mother, my brothers, and I so moving at that point didn't seem to be such a bad idea. Or at least so I thought. To top that off my boyfriend of 6 years and I were on the rocks, well more like I was ready to push him off a cliff into a sea full of rocks. Nothing was going right for me so the idea of moving away from Chicago didn't faze me much. It was just another issue I had to push into the back of my mind. As I lied across my Streans and Foster queens sized bed, outlined with the finest Egyptian cotton, I couldn't help but feel empty. My life was a wreck. I couldn't understand how someone who had it all could really have nothing to live for. My thoughts of desperation were interrupted by the sultry sounds Miguel. Miguel was my favorite artist a few months ago but now I couldn't relate to anything he was saying. All he spoke about was love and that was a department I was sinking in. As the sounds of "Sure Thing" filled my room I turned to look at my iPhone and the name Devin flashed across the screen. I couldn't help but suck my teeth. I could already feel my soul become aggravated as I hit the green button to speak. "Hello?" I said. "Uh..I'm the last person in the world you want to talk to but hear me out" he replied. "D..I really don't think that's.." "Heaven, you're leaving tomorrow.. just give me a chance" he interrupted. Although I was hesitant, against my better judgment I agreed to meet up with him. We decided to meet up at the park a few blocks from my house. It seemed fitting because it was where we met 13 years ago. Devin's family moved to Chicago from Arizona when he was four and I've been stuck with him ever since. I still remember the day we met like it was yesterday. It was the day after my fourth birthday and I was sporting a brand new Tommy Hilfiger dress with a pink oversized bow in my hair to match. The only reason I remember what I was wearing is because Devin ruined it like he seemed to be ruining my life now. There was only one seat left at the swing set and both our eyes were glued upon it. After a few seconds of staring at the yellow plastic we both approached the seat. When we were both a few inches away it happened, we spotted each other. It was like a light bulb went off in both of our heads and was like "HELL NO THIS IS MY SEAT AND YOU'RE NOT TAKING IT". Without any hesitation we both darted towards the swing set and of course I beat him there. I giggled and stuck my tongue out at him because I got what he wanted. Even at age four there was sweet satisfaction in having something that someone craved but couldn't obtain. Devin was so sour about not making it to the swings first that he tugged on the bow placed on the back of my new dress and ripped it. I was so outraged I jumped off the swing and attacked him. Devin and I kicked, scratched, bit and punched each other, a full out brawl in the sandbox. We would have fought till hell froze over if our mothers had not come pull us off each other. "I hate you stupid" I shouted out to Devin. "I hate you more dog breath" he replied. I stuck my tongue out at him before leaving and he returned the favor. When I got home that day I ran into my daddy's office in tears. "Daddy Daddy" I cried. He picked me up and sat me in this lap before saying "what's wrong princess". "This dumb head boy ripped my dress. I hate him" I replied. He kissed my forehead. "Daddy will buy you a new dress princess" he said. "Daddy boys are stupid, you're the only boy I like. I will always only like you daddy" I said. He chuckled. "I wish I could tell you that boys get smarter as they get older but they don't. One day you'll find someone you like as much as me, if not more" he replied. I scrunched up my nose and made the most disgusted face I could. "No daddy I will only like you! Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever." I protested. He raised an eyebrow and then flashed a smile. "You promise?" he questioned while raising his pinky to me. Without a second thought I intertwined my pinky with his before replying "I promise daddy". Even at the age of four I knew my father was the only man that would never hurt me and love me forever. My thoughts were interrupted when I felt someone tap my shoulder. I looked up and it was Devin. Looking at him made my stomach hurt. I felt like throwing up. He took a seat next to me on the park bench and I turned my head in the opposite direction to avoid having to look at him. A part of me wanted to hug him and tell him everything was okay and that we would work everything out while the other part of me didn't feel like he deserved any bit of my time. We sat in silence for a few minutes until he cleared his throat and asked if I wanted to go sit on the swings with him. "Devin I really don't have time to waste. I need to be packing." I said. He lowered his head and replied "Heaven I'm sorry". "So I've heard. Anything else you want to say? If not this little chat was great see you when I see you" I spat. I picked up my purse and stood up to leave but he grabbed my arm. "Please Heaven." he pleaded. I looked into his hazel eyes and felt some sincerity. I don't know if I felt bad for him or if really wanted to hear what he had to say, but whatever it was made me put my purse back on the bench and reclaim my seat next to him. "Talk" I said harshly. He stared at me questioningly as if he was wondering when the sweet girl he fell in love with turned into one of those bitter girls that post sad song lyrics on Facebook every other hour. I refused to back down. "TALK" I shouted. He cleared his throat before saying "Heaven. You know I love you right" I didn't answer. He reached out and touched my hand with his and I immediately jerked away. He sighed. "Heaven I never meant to hurt you" he said. I chuckled. "Funny, if you didn't mean to hurt me you wouldn't have. Did she put a gun to your head and make you do what you did?" I said. He didn't answer. "In between stimulus and response is the freedom to choose Devin so you did mean to hurt me. Am I right?" I questioned. He remained silent. I looked at him for the first time, trying to find an answer somewhere in his face but there was none. He stayed silent. I cleared my throat. It was obvious that meeting up with him was a complete waste of my time and my energy. After about five minutes of us sitting in silence he opened his mouth and spoke. "Heaven... me cheating on you was a mistake. If I could take it back I would. Everyone makes mistakes right?" I rolled my eyes and tried to keep myself from slapping the shit out of him. "See Devin the difference between you and I is that I own up to my mistakes and yes, everyone does make mistakes, but when you love someone there are just some mistakes you don't make." I replied. The longer I looked at Devin the more I hated him and the faster the love I had for him drained from my body. "How do you expect me to go on without you?" he questioned. "The same way you did before. Plus you have a daughter on the way. Worry about her and the whore you cheated on me with" I shot back. I could tell that my words hit him hard but I could care less. I wasn't his concern then and he wasn't my concern now. I bent down to grab my purse then turned to look at him before I walked away. I looked at him a million times before but this time was different. His jaw was clenched and I could tell he had a lump in his throat from trying to choke down all the emotions he was feeling. His hazel eyes were once the gateway to my soul but now they just looked commonplace. Whatever part of me that once lived in him was now dead and it made me feel both liberated and disappointed. Liberated because I was free from his spell and disappointed because of how far we could have gone had this situation not occurred. There was not one resemblance to the man I met, just a vague and broken boy instead and rather than try to patch up the broken glass in our relationship I left the remnants of our love on that park bench and he could do with it whatever he wanted to. My father always told me that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and me leaving Devin was my light. He was my first love, my first boyfriend, my first time, and now my first heartbreak. I couldn't understand what made him want to cheat on me and the fact that he got the young lady pregnant made matters that much worse. I could never look at him the same again. He betrayed me, I never hid anything from him, and I was faithful, while he had a whole secret life going on. The funny part is I had my head in the clouds and I didn't even notice the rain all around me. Devin broke me and for once the girl with all the answers was dumbstruck. I wasn't only walking away from the park, that day I walked away from Devin, our past, and any hope of a future that we had. He didn't stop me. On my way back home I took my time, taking in all of my surroundings for the last time. Chicago had been my home for my whole life and now I had to pack it up and move on. When I approached my door I took extra time pulling out my key and placing it into the door. As the key turned and popped indicating that the door was now unlocked I felt a piece of me die and seeing my childhood home completely empty didn't help my case much. I closed the door behind me, dropped my purse on the floor and ran into my fathers' old den. Although empty, it was the only room in the house where I felt comfortable. I sat down on the marble floor and sighed. "Daddy, I miss you" I whispered. A bittersweet feeling buffeted me as I looked around the den for the last time. One chapter closed another one to open... Atlanta here I come!

*PICTURE OF HEAVEN TO THE SIDE*