Cocaine Rose (Urban)

Redemption

Ch. 20

I had spent the past few days crying over Julian and whatever he has or had going on with my ex best friend. Just as I had tightened my grip on the reigns of my life I was throw yet another wild card. Here I was not sure of where I stood with Julian again, in love with him again, hurting over him again, and lets not forget pregnant with his child again. Although I didn't plan on keeping this from him again I wasn't sure if there would be anything to tell him as I wasn't even sure if I wanted to put myself through this drama. It seemed like that was all that ever came along with Julian. I was not about to be a single  mother to his second child. I looked at the planned parenthood screen on my macbook and couldn't believe that I was actually contemplating doing something I always viewed as heinous. I closed the screen and turned my attention to my cell phone.  I turned off airplane mode after what seemed like years but in all actuality was just a few days. I needed a break from reality. No phone calls, no interactions with people, just quality time with my daughter and my thoughts. Janae continued to beg me to see her father and I finally gave in to calling him I just wasn't prepared to deal with him, his antics, or his questions. I especially wasn't ready to deal with the attitude and flack I knew he would be throwing my way even though I was the one who should be annoyed with him. Whether what Robyn said to me was the truth or lie, the simple fact that he even allowed her to get so close to him was disrespectful or not. Even though I left there are 10.4 million people in Georgia why did he have to choose her. I shook off my thoughts and dialed Julian's number for Janae's sake. The phone rung for what felt like forever and in all honesty I was holding my breath praying that he didn't pick up at least I could say I tried to reach out. Just as I was going to end the call I heard his raspy morning voice sound from the other end of my receiver.

"Hello" 

"Hey" I answered flatly. The butterflies in my stomach started to flutter at the sound of his voice but I couldn't let him get one up on me.

He cleared his throat I'm assuming to get his voice to normal as it was apparent that I had awakened him from his sleep. 

"That's all you have to say to me Heaven?"

I rolled my eyes. Here he goes I thought.

"Yeah. What else you want me to say?" I said allowing my attitude to slip out.

He took a deep breath and I knew that meant I was frustrating him but I didn't care.

"How about you start with where you've been and why I haven't been able to get in contact with  you or my daughter"

I stayed silent not sure If I wanted to be petty or be an adult about things and actually have a civil conversation with him. Before I could respond to his statement he was already asking me if I heard what he asked me. This immediately unleashed the childish side of me.

"Well I went to your house a few days ago because I had something to tell you and Robyn told me you were busy."

I heard nothing but silence from his end of the phone. I silently chuckled to myself not because anything was funny but because I was still in complete disbelief and his silence was confirming everything I already knew but didn't have the heart to accept. 

"Are you there or did you not hear me?" I said mimicking what he had said to me just a few moments prior.

"Heaven, look, it's not what you think."

"Oh.... It's not? Enlighten me."

"She's not my girlfriend. I don't even care about her."

I Scoffed. "You don't care about her but she's answering your door in a bath robe when I couldn't so much as get a visit from you since we got back from New York"