Cocaine Rose (Urban)

Deja Vu

Ch. 19

I looked around at the scenery before me and couldn't believe just how much my life had changed in just a matter of weeks. Everything that I had been running from had caught up to me and to my surprise it wasn't as detrimental as I thought it would be. Now that everything was out in the open and I was back in Atlanta there were some things that I had to take care of that couldn't wait. Now that my life was a clean slate and I was no longer running I had to evaluate what was important to me, who I was as a person, and what I wanted out of my life. I had created a facade and lived behind that for so long as a defense mechanism that I allowed myself to become someone I didn't know. I heard the bell on the door chime indicating that someone had walked in and it caused me to turn my head in the direction of the sound. I locked eyes with a smiling Rico and haphazardly returned his smile. At that moment I almost backed out of what I came here to do but I heard a voice in the back of my head telling me to keep pushing. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and mustered up a faint "Hey" as he kissed my cheek and took his seat. I scanned his face as he stared at me intently. His smile never fell and his gaze never left me. He reached for my hands and I instinctively pulled them away and placed them on my lap. His facial expression read that he was confused and I knew at that point that I couldn't drag this out any longer.

"Baby whats wrong" he said with concern coated over each of his words. I sighed.

"Rico there's a reason I asked you to meet me here"

"I know baby, I missed you too." he responded cheerfully. I mentally groaned.

"No. It's not that"

"Look I know I just left New York but I had an emergency work meeting, I explained this before but I can see why you might be stand offish towards me"

He was making this so much harder than I wanted it to be. But I was just going to rip off the band aid and say it.

"Rico. I can't do this anymore"

He raised an eyebrow and said "I'm confused, do what?"

"This. I can't do this. I can't do us."

After I said it I felt all the weights that I had been carrying around with me since Julian came back in the picture lift off my shoulders. I waited for him to speak but no words left his lips. He was reacting the way I expected him to. I sat there for a little while longer watching people walk in, order, and walk out with their items while Rico just stared off into space. People were carrying on with their days and I was seemingly ruining someones life. Someone I cared for, for the past seven years and someone I thought I loved. He loved me and my daughter when I was broken but as selfish as it sounds he just wasn't the one I loved. I cleared my throat and this caused him to snap his head in my direction. His gaze caught mine and I spoke.

"Rico... I care about you... I Just.."

"You just don't love me" he dryly chuckled

"Yeah" I whispered while lowering my head.

He cleared his throat before saying my name. Hmm I responded never really looking up at him.

"I don't blame you." I didn't respond.

"I thought I could change you are make you fall deeply in love with me when I knew from the day I met you that your feet were planted in cement somewhere else" he continued.

I stood to leave "Rico I.." he lifted his hand up to stop my from speaking. "I heard you out and let you finish so let me"

I slowly sat back in my seat and listened to whatever else it was he had to say.