residence: to all the girls who had my heart

andrea

let me reside in you.

i've never been one to regret
but the thought of you in another's bed
crushes my heart, annihilates what's left,
and makes me wish i chose you instead.

i hurt you.

i know you can't
let me in,
open your doors,
or want me
anymore.
and i know i can't
submit to,
be strong for,
or want you
that long.

so allow me just once
to rent and view
the greatest adventure
that is you.

unlock your doors for me.

as the moon makes herself known,
and domes in black all that i know,
will you allow me to return to you and call you Home?
and when the sun arrives,
shall the universe authorize,
make me the happiest, be the first to bless my eyes?

let me
paint with the spectrum
your grey and cracked walls,
change the faulty light bulbs that
you've left at "i'll fix it when it falls,"
let me
sweep and dust every corner,
leaving no stone unturned,
fill the empty photo frames,
rid you of memories of hurt.

i want to
admire you,
explore you, and
worship you;
we'll awaken the neighbours.
i promise to
come home to you,
come from you, and
come for you;
i'll return the favour.

open your windows for me.

and with my lips and eyes,
i beg that you let me memorize
your every level,
your every single angle,
your every dent and bevel;
let me enter your castle.
you see, you have me under your spell.

but with spells come Reality,
who strangely enjoys unveiling
that with every castle comes a story,
and with all stories come an ending.

i've never been one to stay,
and you've never liked
space or breathers,
so let's meet halfway:
i'll close my eyes,
you pull the trigger.

temporarily, momentarily, evanescently,
just leave me a memory.
i refuse to reminisce you when i'm eighty,
never knowing what we could be.

i learned today from a philo anthro lecture
       that you can know potency
              only in its act;
so gamble on me, join me on this venture;
       who knows, who knows, maybe
              it is me that you lack.

so let me reside in you just for a while.
i didn't mean to,
i will never again redo,
but let me tell you what's true:
i know flings and things are not your style,
and i don't need you,
i can find others to pursue,
but i choose you.

let me reside in you
because my god,
i desperately want to.

an: i did this in poetry class and i used different forms for every stanza based on whatever poem we were discussing at the time so i'm sorry if it's messy :(