Take Me Home • h. styles ✔

Interlude I

Dear Haz,

     Seven days ago, I’ve never been so happy in my life. I thought that it will all be over. I’m always ready for all the things that can happen. Every single day, I fear for my life because I always consider myself as a guy who’s not strong enough to handle anything. As I write down here on this notebook, I found a glint of hope. I can live again now. It just goes to show that giving up is never an option. I should tell that to you, Harry. Everything has its reasons.

  

     We’ve been together now for seven days, and you know what? I can’t help myself but smile all the time. Because I have you now. I’ve been waiting for so long to be with someone I know, someone I can trust, someone whom I love. I’m sorry for breaking down that day when we reunited, especially when I sang Through the Dark. I just can’t help it. I was really sad at that time, but when I felt your comfort, everything seemed to fall into place. You always say that I saved you, but it’s the other way around. Do you know that I was planning to end my life that day? I might have all the food I wanted because I’d lived in that place for weeks, but it’s never the same if I don’t have someone to rely on, to share, to love. I even doubted if God exists, but now I believe that He does.

     And I always see that you’re sad. Don’t be sad Haz. I know that I’m not enough for you, but I’ll try my best to keep you happy. I’ll sing for you everyday if you want. I’ll cook your favorite spaghetti if you want. Just don’t be sad. You may think at times that the only person left to believe in you is yourself, but you’re wrong. Because I believe in you. We can do this.

     Okay, I’m planning to give this notebook to you. It’s yours anyway. It’s supposed to be my gift to you when you turn 19. And later on, I’ll give you my three other gifts. I’m sure you’ll be happy when you get them, especially my second one. Still, I’m really thankful that we found each other again. I now have someone to share my warm hugs with, and you know how much I love your hugs. Yours is way better than Liam’s, or Zayn’s, or Louis’.

 

     Hopefully, when we survive this, we’ll be able to find the others. Wouldn’t it be great if we’ll be back together? We’ll continue writing our unfinished song Half a Heart, and we’ll be able to hear their voices again. Aren’t you excited about it? Because I am, Harry. I want to perform again for the people, even though it will take years before that happens. At least I’m able to sing for you after a long time, but I’m sorry for screwing it up. I’m a crybaby, and you know that.

     Okay, this letter got longer than I expected, and sorry for this messy handwriting. But I just want you to know that I won’t let anything happen to you, okay? I’m supposed to be your big brother now, but it turns out that you’re the one taking care of me. Let me make it up to you. I will do anything just to keep you safe, I promise, like what I’ve said in our video diary. That will always be my promise, and even if I have to take my life first for you, I will do it. I want you safe, and I want you to be home.

Nialler xx