Constellations & Cactuses

chapter 8

                  

Ellie must be mad, if not furious. i didn't mean to push her away, the words just seem to dribble out of my mouth before i had a second to think. they are toxic and burn away at our friendship. i was truly scared she would bring up the kiss from the other night. i guess that i'm a bully, i'm harsh and i'm stubborn but i can't help but enjoy the satisfaction of pushing people away.

it's absolutely unhealthy, but this way i'm protected from the hurt, and the sight of slight rejection on peoples face calms me, it makes me feel like i'm not alone. i get it, it's not fair to push your emotions and problems onto other people, and if that makes me a bad person, i guess i'm the worst. but unfortunately the guilt fills my lungs like water and i can't help but feel 30ft deep surrounded by predators as i walk down the school hall surrounded by other students, enthused about what this weekend might bring.

the walk home is painfully long and all my thoughts are screaming about my actions at lunch today. somehow i find myself head resting against the wall in the storage room of the flower shop.

my mom walks in carrying a crate of succulents, a bit of dirt smeared on her face, her frizzy hair pulled out of her face in tied up in a ponytail.

"park honey, what in the world are you doing?" she boomed, placing the crate down.

shaking myself out of my daze, i turn to face my mom.

"nothing i jus-" i start but i'm cut off.

"it isn't getting worse is it? i've noticed you have been acting a bit off, maybe i should give dr winston a call-" my mom insisted before the backroom door is pushed open.

Ellie walks in with a polite yet awkward smile on her face.

"Elizabeth sweetheart, good to see you. how are you today darl? your apron is over there, parker will be out in a moment," my mom reported to her.

"thanks," Ellie mumbled softly, avoiding eye contact with me before putting on her apron.

"parker, i want you to come straight up after work. we'll give dr winston a call, ok?" my mom says with concern.

Ellie glances up at me from across the room but quickly looks away when i meet her eyes.

"okay," i mutter back before grabbing my apron.

"have a good shift kids," mom beams at us.

"thank you mrs hamilton!" Ellie blurts back.

i notice hurt flashes through my mom's eyes for a second before she fakes a smile and continues unpacking the succulents, allowing Ellie and i to exit the room.

i go and stand behind the counter which Ellie happens to follow my lead and stand next to me.

there is an awkward silence that's fills the air, as the shop is completely empty and Ellie's eyes are boring into me making my skin feel itchy.

"what are you staring at!?" i finally snapped.

Ellie's gaze doesn't drop though, something i see a lot of in her. she never seems to give up.

"your mom mentioned something about seeing a doctor, are you sick?" Ellie questions sounding almost worried.

"are you always this nosey?" i sneered back.

"i just wanted to make sure you are okay," Ellie replies back calmly, not dropping my gaze.

"why do you care so much?" i mumble, more to myself than her, but unfortunately she seemed to have picked up on my question.