Daughter of Chaos

Chapter Twenty-Four

We lingered at the coast for the morning, wandering around the beach barefoot and stopping to scoop up pretty shells every few feet. But by noon, we headed to the car and said goodbye to the ocean.

"That was really nice. Thank you." I felt shy being confined in the car with Mom after the morning's ritual. I hoped she wouldn't mention the fire; I still felt like I had screwed up her ritual somehow, but I couldn't explain Red magic without shattering the illusion that everything was fine. Mom and I didn't usually work magic together, and there was a sense of intimacy hanging over us that I couldn't reconcile with the fact that I had to lie to her about who and what I was. Still, I wanted her to know that our trip had helped me.

"Of course! Thanks for being willing to take an adventure with me." She smiled and turned the car back onto the interstate. We drove in companionable silence for almost fifty miles, but then Mom spoke. "Darlena, I know there's more going on right now. Justin isn't the only thing upsetting you, is he?"

Stunned, I shook my head.

She smiled. "I thought so. I know you think you love him, but I didn't raise you to cry that much over a boy. Can you talk about the rest of it, whatever it is?"

My heart swelled up with relief. She wanted me to tell her! I could reveal everything, and then I wouldn't be carrying my burden alone. She would help me. I opened my mouth, and the image of my mother kneeling to Hecate came into my mind. Even if she knew everything, how much help would she be allowed to offer me? Hell, what if it wasn't a question of offering me help; what if she would actively work against me to please Hecate? I closed my mouth and shook my head.

Her face fell. "I'm sorry you don't feel that you can trust me. Please remember, if you ever do want to talk, I would do anything in my power to help you."

My throat swelled, and I almost started to cry. Not trusting my voice, I nodded.

"Just remember, sweetie, whatever it is, you can't change everything. Don't bog yourself down worrying about things outside your control. Fix what you can, and leave the rest alone."

I nodded again and closed my eyes. Her words had triggered a thought: there wasn't much that I had any power to change. Even though Red magic was supposed to be strong and chaotic, I had felt utterly useless since stopping the hurricane. Aphrodite didn't want me meddling with anything except love.

My eyes popped open. If I couldn't fix everything, maybe I could at least heal the crack in my relationship with Justin. I needed him to trust me again. Love usually grows from trust, but maybe with a little magic, I could make trust grow from love.

***

That night, alone once more in my room, I grabbed a photo of Justin, my red candle, a box of matches, and the mirror Aphrodite had given me, then crept into my closet. My parents and the instructors at Trinity had tried to teach me not to use magic on another person, Witch or Non, but years of experience had taught me the value of sympathetic magic. I tried not to cast hexes that were too powerful, because I firmly believed what I had been taught about magic rebounding on the person who cast the spell. I didn't want to hex an enemy and end up in the hospital. But, I reasoned as I lit the candle, a love spell wasn't a hex. I wouldn't worry about any negative echoes from this spell.

Setting the picture in front of the candle on the floor, I held the mirror up and gazed into it for a long time. When I saw my image begin to shift to my glamoured self, I turned the mirror facedown over Justin's picture. I stayed there in the closet until the candle burned itself out, leaving a red puddle of wax on the floor, the mirror, and the photo. Leaving everything where it was, I whispered a prayer to Aphrodite before crawling out of the closet.

I couldn't fall asleep right away; I was too anxious about my spell. My body pulsed like I'd grabbed a live wire, and every time I closed my eyes, steamy scenes of flesh and lust filled my mind. My subconscious should have been embarrassing, but I reveled in the images my mind supplied, thinking about Justin's warm embrace. A part of me hoped the spell would work instantly, but when the clock said it was past two and the phone was still silent, I gave up and tried to sleep. Hopefully, I thought as I hovered on the edge of sleep, I would know if my spell had worked in the morning. At that moment, there was nothing I wanted more than Justin's love. I had screwed up once, but I wouldn't lose him again.