Kayleigh and I sat on the grass drinking Fanta and watching people do long jump. Kayleigh and I were at the sports carnival for sport. Now, let me tell you, she's a very funny year 7, so enthusiastic and happy.
"Where's all of your friends?" I asked her, looking around the oval.
"Probably riding unicorns into the sunset," she snorted.
I laughed and continued drinking from the can.
"What about you?" She asked me.
"Pfft! They hate events like this, so they aren't here, which is understandable I hate these things, but mum made me go," I sighed.
She laughed and handed me a chocolate Oreo.
I mumbled a thanks and nibbled on the biscuit.
"Kayleigh!" Kayleigh and I both looked up to see her friend Sequoia.
"What?" Kayleigh yelled back.
I studied Kayleigh's face when she was chatting to Sequoia. Kayleigh had bright blue eyes, she had long eyelashes, I'm pretty sure she was wearing mascara, I can't tell, she had rosy cheeks, and pink lips, that I wanted to kiss. Woah.. What?! Janai, think fucking straight, aye?
Her hair was kind of a washed out brown that went kind of blondey, she had purple tips, and I wanted to run my fingers through her hair. FUCK UP JANAI.
I saw my stoner friend Sara make her way over to me.
"Do you have a lighter?" She asked me.
"No, sorry, Sara," I said.
"I need a fucking smoke, and for me to smoke I need a lighter," Sara sighed sitting on the ground next to me.
"Aw, if I did have a lighter, I would give it to you, man," I said.
Sequoia left and now Kayleigh was paying attention to Sara and I.
"Fuck me dead!" Sara groaned.
Then some of her friends came over, then a boy that I was in the same year with, that I hate, came over and sat next to his buddies. I groaned and I just continued talking to Sara. But I was excluding Kayleigh so I turned my attention to her
======
I walked through the door, to greet my mum and my little brother, Jyi.
"Janai, can you please jump on the trampoline with me?" Jyi asked me when I walked out into the lounge room with a iceblock.
"No," I sighed turning on the tv.
"Please!"
"No! Now go away!" I raised my voice at him.
"You idiot," he muttered.
"MUUMMM! JYI CALLED ME A IDIOT!" I yelled out to my mum
"Janai, you only just walked into the house and you two are already fighting! Stop it both of you!" Mum yelled at both of us. I rolled my eyes and made my way to my room. I got my phone and scrolled through my Facebook news feed.
Jessy Fishlock: someone please inbox me. Bored as fuck.
I decided to comment.
Janai Jarrett: aw big boy is bored! Need a cuddle off your mummy?
Jessy Fishlock: HA HA. Your so funny janai, your lucky your my mate.
I scoffed and turned off my phone.
I'm so bored. I wish I had Kayleigh's number.
I went into my music and chose the song Iris by Goo Goo Dolls. I sang along.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
When sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am.
My absolute favourite song.
"Janai, can you please shut up!" Mum yelled from the toilet.
I laughed and put another song on.
RIP BON by amity affliction.
=====
I sat at the table chewing on the sausages that mum cooked.
"So, Janai, who is this Jessy Fishlock guy?" Mum asked.
"A mate," I mumbled.
"Just a mate?" My step dad, Matt, scoffed.
"Shut up, Matt," I glared at him.
He just laughed at me.
"Am I missing out on something here?" Mum asked.
"No, mum, you aren't, Matt is just being a douche," I said plopping a pea into my mouth.
"When isn't he," mum muttered.
I snorted, choking on a corn kernel.
"Thanks, ness, your a lovely girlfriend," Matt scoffed shoving a piece of sausage in his mouth.
=====
I plugged my iPhone into the charger and I pulled the covers up over me.
I sat there thinking.
Why can't I be perfect? Why do I have to be so ugly? Why can't I just have a normal life? I wish I didn't have those ugly scars covering my thighs and wrists.
I sighed, and I suddenly felt like cutting again.. No, janai, you need to get out of that dark place.
I finally closed my eyes and I fell asleep.
I woke up from my alarm and I smashed it with my fist.
"Fag," I groaned. I got up, and opened my crappy wardrobe that had heaps of posters all over it.
I grabbed my school jumper, school shirt, my leggings and my vans. I got dressed and looked at my face and hair in the mirror. I straightened my long brown hair and I put my foundation, mascara and lipgloss on. I actually looked decent today.
