The Only Reason

Chapter 10

"So." I said as Michael pulled me into the bathroom. "Your own experiences, you say."

"Yeah." He nodded and inspected my wrist.

"I already used peroxide."

He nodded. "I just need to wrap them up."

"But what if someone sees the wrappings?"

"Just wear long sleeves until tomorrow evening. It's better than getting hairs or infections stuck in your arms." He said.

I shrugged and allowed him to start wrapping up my wrist with stark white bandages from my cutting supplies kit. "Anyways, care to elaborate?"

"On what?"

"Your experiences." I pressed. He gave me an exasperated look.

"Okay, maybe I cut for a year or so. That's all. I hid it for about three months and then your brother found out, and we kept the secret together for a few more weeks before Luke found out and told Calum." Michael said. "Calum was pissed that he was the last one to know."

"I bet." I said, wincing as he tied off the bandage. "How'd you stop?"

Michael laughed. "Basically, the lads told me to stop cutting or they'd get me someone to talk to. A therapist of sorts. I ended up seeing one because I couldn't figure out how to stop, and it really did help. The band kind of saved me."

I wished someone would try to save me. I mean, I was tired of fighting. My sword was so heavy that I used it to cut myself instead of defend myself with it. It would be nice to have a break.

However, depression doesn't work that way.

"Can I really trust you to keep it a secret?" I asked. "I know you, Michael Clifford. Are you going to be able to keep this to yourself instead of telling someone for my own good?"

Michael hesitated. "I think so. As long as you don't cut again, I won't tell."

"You can't ask me not to."

"Camden... "

"It doesn't work that way! You of all people should know that cutting isn't just something you can turn on and off." I argued. "I need time. Maybe if I just start to cut a little less each time until- "

Michael put his hands on my shoulders, forcing me to look him in the eyes. Their icy blue depths seemed to bore holes through me.

"Think about what you're asking me to do, Cam. You want me to knowingly let of one of my best friends cut herself open. You want me to be willingly ignorant as you make yourself bleed. You want me to allow you to bleed." He said, his voice strained. "Please, don't cut anymore. If you cut again I'll have to tell Ashton, and then you'll get mad, and I don't want to loose you."

"Michael, please, stop. Just stop." I whispered.

He looked like he was going to start crying. "Just promise you won't do it again."

"I don't know if I can."

"Than I don't know if I can keep your secret."

"No!"

"You have to understand." Michael looked so broken, so torn. "I'm not trying to be a jerk. You just want me to sit there while you hurt yourself and pretend I don't know anything, and I don't know if I can- "

I shook my head. "How did you feel when Ash found out you were cutting, hmm?"

He hesitated. "Disgusting. Like a screw-up."

"Do you really want me to feel that way?" I asked. "Remember, I want to tell him myself when I'm strong enough. And I really am trying to beat this. I'm working hard."

It was a lie, but he didn't know that.

Michael dropped his gaze, inhaling deeply. I could tell just by looking at him that I had won. My secret was safe.

"Promise." He said finally. "Promise to me right now that you'll fight this. Because when Ashton finds out, it had better be because you told him yourself and not because he finds your body on the floor. Promise me."

I smiled.

"I promise. Now lets go meet them, shall we?" I said. Michael nodded.

We walked out of the room together, making sure that the bandages were covered before we entered the other room. Everyone else was there, grinning, laughing, and telling jokes. The room smelled like popcorn. They all had drinks in their hands.

"You want one, sis?" Ashton asked.

"No thank you."

"Pfft, I do." Michael grinned at me, getting himself a drink.

Technically, Calum and Luke were a year too young to be drinking, because the rule is you have to be twenty-one in America. In Australia, however, you can start drinking at sixteen. I didn't take any because I never cared for the stuff, funnily enough. The boys often teased me for it.

"Who took you so long?" Calum asked.

Michael jumped and I quickly thought of a lie. "It's that special time for me and Michael was nice enough to wait in the hallway for me."

The boys all made faces while Mallory smirked, tossing her hair. She knew the truth. She knew that she could ruin me with it.

I could only pray that she wouldn't get drunk and accidentally spill the beans.

Ashton poked me in the ribs. I could tell that he was being careful to stay sober.

"Why are you so quiet?" He asked.

"I'm not quiet. I'm the opposite of quiet. I am the unholy spawn of loudness." I objected.

"More like the heavenly child of silence. You're barely talking, but you were so loud earlier. Did something happen?"

Your girlfriend happened, that's what.

"No, nothing happened. I'm just tired I guess. And, of course-" I grinned, "-if you think I'm being to quiet, I could always take it up a notch."

I inhaled deeply acting as though I was going to start shrieking like a banshee.

"No!" Ashton laughed, putting his hand over my mouth. I poked my tongue against his fingers and he leapt backwards, making a face and wiping his hand on his jeans.

"That's what you get."

"You're such a sicko."

"But you still love me!" I said in a sing-song voice.

Ashton smiled at me. "It's a forced emotion."

"Sure, sure, we all know that she has you wrapped around her little finger, Ash." Luke rolled his eyes.

"Does not!" Ashton objected.

"Does too!" Everyone cried, except for Mallory, who looked impatient.

"You're all insane."

I rolled my eyes at her snarky comment. The others took it as a joke, but I noticed the glare she shot in my direction before quickly turning and grinning at Ashton. She could go roast her toes in you-know-where for all I cared.

Ash slid an arm around my shoulders, smiling at me.

"I don't hate you."

"I don't hate you either." I grinned, poking him. "Come on, say it. You know you want to."

"Fine. I love you, sis." Ashton laughed.

"Love you too, Bro-Bro."