The Bio of a Carter

Chapter 4

Ig knowing that you would never have that one girl that you really want is worse than her backhanding you. It's like the worst feeling in the world it hurts so badly that your mind goes into a endless loop of what you should've done what you should've said. But I i geuss this is part of grieving but I know to be honest with you we have dated 3 times each time i cried for days wanting her back but I can't I'm not cute I'm not a jock I'm a history geek that's a good runner and plays trumpet what more do you want. I wish I could give her everything if I would i could I would.  I dream about her only to wake up and relize  it ain't going to happen I was lucky when I got her the first three times and when I had her nothing was too expensive nothing had a price or a time that I couldn't meet. I gave her everything she wanted and I tried my hardest to keep things good between me and her but I'm not perfect.

So I today I tried to give myself that push that push that will make me stop obsessing over her but I can't. I tried to go for someone else but my mind won't let me I would just freeze up and stop speaking and just start thinking of her. This is really hard to get over u know life was great and then she said no and I've lost myself I lost all respect for myself and my dignity and everything she was want I needed then BOOM it all Stopped and i just wanna give up.