Uknown

Chapter 1

Once I enter the room I take in the smell of all the chemicals and adjust my eyes to the darkness. I make sure to keep my paper protected from any light exposure. Even though it's almost pitch black one can never be too careful. I roll out the film and look at the 36 nicely exposed negatives. I usually print 2-4 photos from each roll I shoot, I don't know why I mean it is my darkroom so I have unlimited access and supplies to print all the photos, but I mean it takes too much time. I decide to enlarge 2 photos from this roll. So I work on the first one for a good half an hour before I put it in the developer, I'm really stingy about my photo paper so I know exactly what the photo needs to turn out almost perfect. Once I think it's  good to go I put it in the developer, and wait a couple seconds as the photo slowly fades in. It's a self portrait...my long brown curly hair rests on my shoulders...my bangs held back with a bobby pin. I'm sitting on my kitchen floor, holding a book staring at the camera. I move it on to the stop, the reflection on my glasses you can see my set up of my Minolta camera and tripod which actually looks rather pretty awesome. I toss it into the fix and go to enlarge my second photo. The next photo was a harder print and I actually needed to make a test strip for it, it's another photo of myself sitting on the patio playing my harmonica right before sunset. Another good hour I get the photo as I want it, once it's developed and fixed I hang the photos and date the one where I am on the kitchen floor July 13, 2000 and the harmonica one July 14, 2000.

I hear my mother throw her keys across the room, and makes loud thumping noises going up the stairs to her room. I wake out the dark room and turn on the fan so the chemicals don't take over my mom gets really irritated when they do. "Hey"

"Hey baby" she walks toward me moving my hair away from my face and kisses my forehead. "Look what I got you!" She walks to her purse and pulls out a beanie with victory written on it, and put it on my head.

"Mom it's July, and victory...really?" I laugh, taking it off.

"But I want to see your beautiful face" she gives me the puppy eye look; she has always given me since I was a kid, it always got me too. 

I sigh. "Fine...only at home though."

"Okay." She jumps up clapping her hands.

As I walk back to my room she calls out "I love you" I just look back at her and smile. 

Mother and I always have been best friends. Don't get me wrong I have friends (kinda) but since my brother and father got drafted overseas. Brother in the army and my dad was in the navy. She's just been really out of it. Right before my father left to board his plane 3 years ago he made me promise him that I will keep her on her feet and make her smile everyday. I told him I will try my best. My dad was killed a year in a half ago and it was really hard for my mother I tried my best to support her and take care of her but after 4 months I gave up. 

I really didn't love or hate my father, my feelings toward him were actually very neutral. He spoiled the hell out of me when me and brother were kids, he never hit us, and when and my mother got into arguments he would never let it reach us, they were very quite. I don't a great bond with my mother either, I couldn't tell you why. It's my brother who had the good relationship with both of them. 

"Can I come in baby" my mom interrupts my thoughts.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I brought you milk and cookies." She smiles and sets them on the night stand.

"Mom I'm 19 years old, I'm not a kid anymore I don't need you treating me like one."

"I know I know, but your my baby." She sits down next to me, looks at me and smiles.

"What?" I asked confused.

She strokes my face with the back of her hand, "when did you grow up so fast?" 

I pull away "Mom, thanks for the cookies but I need to get stuff done."

"Okay." She gets up and quickly kisses me on the lips before I can get away from it.

"Moooooom!" She leaves laughing.

I take a bite of a cookie and throw myself back on the floor. I take out my phone and dial my brothers number, the phone rings a couple times......."Hey, what's up?" He says on the other line.

"Hey....nothing, just wanted to say hi." I lied.

"What?" He asked kinda annoyed.

"I don't know..." I sigh, "I just wanted to talk to you."

"Okay, go ahead."

I quickly come up with a lie, "I think...I think...Josh I think I want to join with you." 

"You can't, what do you really wanna tell me Ben?"

"Nothing I gotta go." I hang up, leaving the room.

"I'm going out." I shout over my shoulder.

"Okay, please drive safe."

I take my time driving to my friend Peter's apartment, once I get there I wait 5 minutes before I get out and go up. I knock the door and before I even knock once he opens it "Took you long enough to come up, and don't you have a key." He says mono-toned. I don't say anything he walks ahead of me, leaving me staring at his bare back. "Plan on coming in?" He asks taking a drag from a cigarette.

I take off my shoes and sit next to him. "I couldn't tell him."

"Why?" He asked closing his eyes, leaning his head back and letting smoke out.

"He seemed annoyed and I'm not sure about how I feel."

He chuckles but doesn't say anything so we sit there in silence. Basically Peter and I have be friends since like Pre-K. He's always been the tough one, he doesn't give a shit what other people say. He came out when he was 8. People thought he was crazy but he knew what he was talking about. Me on the other hand I've always liked women, bur just a couple weeks ago Peter kissed me, and confessed his love to me. Why I'm confused though is that when he surprised me with that kiss; I didn't react for a good 2 minutes but then without control I kissed him back. We were close to go further than that but I tamed myself, it didn't feel right. When I put my hand out on his chest telling him to stop he put his head on mine and smiled, and kissed me once.

"What you thinking?" He turned his head to me.

"Nothing," I said not looking at him. "I'm just confused Peter."

"I'm not expecting anything from you." He puffed out a smoke.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

He doesn't answer. "Peter.."

"Hmmm.." He mumbles.

"Why'd you do it? Why'd you kiss me?" I asked pretty annoyed.

"I wanted to." He laughs laying his head on my lap and blowing smoke in my face.

"I'll never hate you." I say catching smoke in my mouth.

"No?' He smiled

I nodded resting my head back, we sat there in the dark, silence, Peter smoking a cigaratte after another. I think we fell asleep (no shit Ben?) Because when I woke up it was 2 in the morning, Peter rolled in a ball between my legs. "Peter" I whispered "Peter?"

He groans...."what?"

"Get up man." I look at phone I got 11 calls from my mom, along with voicemails and three from Ally. 'Shit" I sighed "I was suppose to go see Ally tonight." 

Peter gets up unbuckling his belt taking it off as he heads to his room without saying anything. I follow him..."Hey" I wait at his doorway, "I'll see you later?"

"Mmmmm." He gets under his covers "Can I get a goodnight kiss?" He mumbles.

"No. I'll see you later though..around 3?" I wait for his answer. No answer. I slowly leave and lock the door.