(Once upon a time there was a girl named Red Riding Hood. She was a very nice girl and was always there for her grandmother. Except for one fateful day...)
(Scene opens with Little Red Riding Hood sitting at a table in her kitchen reading a book, her mother enters the room.)
Mother: Red, your grandma is sick, I'd like for you to take this basket of goodies to her to make her feel better.
LRRH: (Red takes the basket and looks inside.) Mom there's burbon in here.
Mother: I said goodies.
LRRH: Mom there's some weird stuff in here...
Mother: Yes, goodies.
LRRH: Why are you making me take this in a basket, why can't we just mail it to her like regular people?
Mother: Just get out of here, will you?
(Little Red Riding Hood takes her red hoodie and leaves the house, she gets on her bike and her mom walks out of the house.)
Mother: By the way your grandma lives in the woods with a bunch of creepy talking wolves, so try not to get eaten or anything, okay?
LRRH: What?
Mother: 'Kay thanks, love you, proud of you. (Mother begins to go back into the house.)
LRRH: Wait go back to what you were saying! (sighs) Why can't I be surrounded by regular people?
Lights out
(Lights on, Red is knelt next to her bike, the tire is out of air and she doesn't know what to do.)
LHHR: Oh great, now what am I going to do? Mom's going to kill me...
(A wolf comes out of the woods on his hind legs and leans on a tree, observing Red. She doesn't notice him here.)
Wolf: (British accent.) Well you seem to be having trouble.
LRRH: (is startled.) Dude you scared the poop out of me!
Wolf: Gross.
LRRH: It was a figure of speech.
Wolf: Whatever helps you sleep at night.
LRRH: Look, I don't have time for this I need to get this basket to my grandma.
Wolf: What does this remind me of...
LRRH: Can you help me or not?
Wolf: Could your grandmother be the woman who lives on top of the hill?
LRRH: I guess so.
Wolf: I'll take the basket to her, if you wish.
LRRH: I don't know, you're not going to eat her, are you?
Wolf: (offended) That's racist!
LRRH: Oh, sorry, didn't mean to offend.
Wolf: Just give me the basket, wanker!
LRRH: Okay don't pop a vein! (Hands over the basket.)
Lights out.
(Lights on, Wolf is standing outside of a pink, frilly house with Red's basket. He knocks on the door and is startled by the voice inside.)
Voice: Yo who dat be!
Wolf: Oh, um, excuse me, but is there a grandmother living here?
Voice: Who's asking?
