Briana

Chapter 1

The terrible memories revealed themselves, as they did every night around this time. Tears filled my eyes as I felt the same pain I did from a few monthes ago. This became a nightly routine. When I was alone in bed, ready for sleep to take over, the memories did instead. My nightmare replayed in my head constantly, not missing a single detail.

Why me?

Sunlight squeezed its way through my blinds, I turned over to find my phone on the floor next to my mattress. 11:06. I wasnt ready to get up. I switched my position and pulled the covers over my head.

Wayne opened my door, "Mama said get up."

"Fuck off."

"Nigga I don't wanna get up either, cmon mama needs help with these boxes." He walked out. I hate when people dont close my damn door when they leave.

Wrapped in my blanket I walked through our new, fresh-smelling home. I found mama standing on the counter in the kitchen installing our new curtains. "Goodmorning mama"

she jumped. "Oh! Goodmorning girl, it's about time you got out of that bed." I helped her off of the counter, she then grabbed her cup of coffee and stood back to view the curtains. "What do you think?"

"I think the whole house is nice."

"I love it. I'm so glad to be here, starting over." She was cut off by her boyfriend Ray walking in the house. "Hey Ray."

"Hey honey," he kissed her and set two Mcdonalds bags on the counter along with two large caramel frappes and two orange juices. "Briana theres two sausage egg mcmuffins and a hashbrown in there for you."

Wayne came downstaires, "goodmorning y'all, thanks Ray." He took his two sausage mcmuffins with no eggs and orange juice and went back upstaires.

I gathered my food, trying to make a quick get away too, but mama stopped me. "So what are you doing today Bri?"

"Um I was just gonna sleep, maybe read. I don't know."

"Bri we've been here for two days and you havent left the house, you know you start school next week, maybe you should go out and try to meet some friends."

"I don't want to. There's only a few weeks of school left, why do we have to go?"

"what else would you do? It's school, you need to go."

"We finished all the things that needed to be done at our old school."

"Briana-"

"Fine." I took my food upstaires to my room.

After turning on the shower I went back in my room to find the box containing all of my bathroom belongings. I removed my conditioner, razor, Dove body wash and light green loofah. I stepped into the shower, I wet my hair and started to lather my body. My razor kept catching my eye.

I turned the other way and let the water run down my hair and back. I washed my body more before the razor was in my eyesight again.

I told myself I'd never do this, this is stupid.

I picked up my Gillette Venus razor and stared at the shiny blade. I read that it helped some people feel better, and I was feeling a little desperate. Placing the blade my left wrist, I froze. Contemplating if I should continue with what I was about to do. This comes off as an outragious act of suicide. I wasnt trying to kill myself, just make myself feel better. I wasnt crazy, I was sad. I knew that one day I'd probably feel better, but that day wasnt here yet. I needed to get through today, so fuck what anyone had to say. I moved the razor to the right so it wasnt on my viens and applied pressure as I slit my wrist.