Hiding in the shadows

Chapter 8

The day passed like usual, the bus ride home was boring and when I got home I wasn't really up for talking to my parents. Luckily for me, they weren't up for talking either. I dumped my stuff on my bed and went for a walk to my tree. The night quietly passed by and when I got home to have dinner, it was like nothing had happened. My parents didn't ask where I went and I didn't tell them, though the main fact of Jas being my best friend probably made it obvious that that was where I stayed. 

I was sitting in my tree after school on Friday with my guitar, mindlessly playing one of my favorite songs, 'Autumn leaves' by Ed Sheeran, singing hopelessly out of tune, as usual. Mucking around, I played a few chords, eventually getting a bit more of a feel I made a tune and took out some lyrics I had been writing.

" I don't know how to deal with this,
I can't keep fighting my thoughts like this,
What I feel everyone says is wrong,
Every time I express it, it turns out wrong

Give me my life back, give me my heart, you were my only from the start,
I'm sorry I fought you, I'm sorry I lost, I'm sorry my happiness came at such a cost,
I'm sorry I lost weight, I'm sorry I'm scared, I'm sorry that I hadn't quite gotten there yet,

Now my skin it is scarred, and so is my heart,
But I fought with everyone else from the start,
You sat and you stared, like you didn't even care,
And I lost everyone who ever gave a damn,

Give me my life back, give me my heart, you were my only from the start,
I'm sorry I fought you, I'm sorry I lost, I'm sorry my happiness came at such a cost,
I'm sorry I lost weight, I'm sorry I cared, I'm sorry that I stayed up all night staring at our texts,

You looked at her like you used to look at me,
And never in my life have I felt so incomplete,
I stay up all night thinking about what we could have been,
I just wish that I could have seen,

Give me my life back, give me my heart, you were my only from the start,
I'm sorry I fought you, I'm sorry I lost, I'm sorry my happiness came at such a cost,
I'm sorry I lost weight, I'm sorry I'm scared, I'm sorry that I hadn't quite gotten there yet"

A sudden clap came from behind the tree. I looked around and saw Elijah standing there, leaning against the tree, looking up at me. While I was singing my song I didn't hear him come up to my tree.

"You have a beautiful voice." He said to me.

"I....Uh..." I was so lost for words that I couldn't even think of what to say, especially to him.

"Did you write it yourself?" He asked.

I didn't trust myself enough to say anything so I just nodded my head.

"That's really impressive. You know, for the loudest person in art class, you're not saying very much now.

"I..."

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything. Have you written anything else?"

I nodded again.

"Can you sing me another?" He asked.

I was so scared and had every intention of shaking my head but I surprised myself when the words came out of my mouth, "I have a rap poem if you want."

"Awesome,  I'd love to hear it." He replied with a smile on his face.

I repositioned myself on my branch, wondering what I had gotten myself into and remembered my poem.

"Day after day after day after day,
It's all the same shit, it never goes away,
The people come and the people go,
you think they're you're friends but they're actually your foe,
All the monsters you think they will leave, they must go,
But they're hiding away, waiting for you,
You should be afraid, you should be scared,
Hold your breath, become impaired,
'You're not the same as you used to be'
I know, I know, everyone tells me,
You think you're irrelevant, It's all the same,
Come into the dark, we are more than tame,
Go insane, go insane,
A desire in your brain,
Child I have warned you, but you still have come,
I told you thrice to hold your damn tongue,
Change your mind, I won't disappear,
And believe me child, I am your biggest fear,
Go insane, break the vein,
Relieve the shit inside your brain,
I'm in your closet and under your bed,
But worst of all I am inside your head,
You can't get rid of me, they all have tried,
And in the end, they all have died,
I'm your nightmare, your greed,
Get too close, I'll make you bleed,
You questioned me once, you sought help twice,
But in the end they all ran like mice,
They can't get rid of me, I'll tell you now,
Child you're a burden, I'll tell you how,
You bring them hell, you bring them pain,
All because you let me inside your brain,
You're never happy, you can't be trusted,
No one likes you, you always get busted,
You tried and you tried but just like the rest,
You will only ever be second best."

I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. "It's about depression, by the way." I told him quietly.