Broken Promise - BTS Jin x Reader

Chapter 3

I looked at him, a kind of bad feeling dwelling up in my chest.

Why was he here?
Why did he have to run in the rain like a monster was chasing him.
Why did he have to come here right now when I was here like this, drowning my anger and sadness with alcohol, hoping I would forget all my problems for at least a few hours. So I could live like someone who was not hurting the whole time, like someone who really was fine.
So I looked at him, my eyes dull, already with widened pupils from the scotch I was drinking for the whole evening now and puffy from bawling my eyes out for a few hours now.

It sucked.

And now, the one who put me into such a state stood in front of my very eyes, heavily breathing, trying to find the right words.

"What do you want here?", I asked and looked at him, not caring anymore that I looked broken in his eyes. His eyes wandered over my figure, stopping at my face.
"Why?" Was all he could say. His voice was merely a whisper, as if he was asking himself more than asking me this question. I didn't dare to look at his dark orbs. "You wouldn't understand", I replied after a long break.

He looked at me and his eyebrows furrowed. "Why would I, as your best friend, not understand?"

"Exactly. You are my best friend. You were the one with whom I was ever since. You were the one who helped me when I was down, you were the one who hugged me to prevent me from falling apart. You were the one I trust, up until this one point", I said, making his eyes soften.

Seokjin wanted to go in, but I stopped him by standing in his way. He eyed me and sighed.
"Since when are you drinking?", He questioned and I shook my head.
"Tell me", he demanded.
I wanted to take another sip of the toxic liquid but he took it away from me, emphasizing his words once again.
"Yerin-ah", he said softly, taking my hand. I flinched and backed away from the sudden touch, making him look at me in shock.

"Go away", I said but he just shook his head. "I won't leave until you tell me the reason", he pressured and I looked away to hide the tears from forming in the corner of my eyes. Jin sighed and put a hand under my chin to make me look at his handsome fac- YERIN NO, STOP. THIS IS THE WRONG TIME.
"Look at me", he said once again and I looked up, trying to put his face into focus.

"What is it?", He asked softly and I opened my mouth. One of my biggest mistakes.

"You hate me.
You probably don't even know me anymore.
You only care about your girlfriend Seulgi.
You always told me you didn't like girls with a lot of makeup, but she puts on so much makeup that it gets all cakey.
You said to me that you would be by my side when I feel down, but where have you been all this time?
You told me you would at least text me every morning, but we barely message each other.
You said to me you were my best friend, but it feels like I don't know you anymore.
You neglected me for so long that I had to start drinking to keep my sanity. I drank every time after I saw you. Every single time I went to the grocery store and made sure I bought enough to keep me free for at least a few hours.
You don't even know what I went through all this time.
You don't even know what I feel like.
You would never understand it anyway, your stupid and ugly and fake girlfriend is trying to make you dumb.", I spoke and totally got into it, I just continued talking even though I wanted to stop. I didn't want him to know how broken I was.

"You hurt me, Seokjin. Every time you said you're with this stupid wench, I wanted to die. I wanted to be with my family. Every time you kissed her, I wanted to hurt myself to distract myself from the pain. Every time you smiled at her, I wanted to be her. I wanted to be the one you smile at and who you hug and with whom you watch movies and cuddle. I WANTED TO BE THE ONE YOU LOVE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU GODDAMMIT!", I cried out and couldn't stop my tears from running down my cheeks and dripping off my chin.

Seokjin stood in front of me, his jaw dropped and his now widened eyes looking at me. "Yerin-ah.. my little girl..", he started but I shook my head, not wanting to hear any of his excuses or condolences. I just cried out all I wanted; I couldn't care less about what he thought of me at this very moment.
This friendship was doomed from this point on, I thought.
Jin took my hands which wiped away my tears and looked at me.

"Yerin-ah, listen to me for a moment. I know this sounds stupid. But I love you, too. I really love you. This girl, Seulgi, she was the one I hope I could forget you with. I hope-" before he could talk one more word, I slapped him right across his face.
I was not the type to hit someone, but I wasn't able to hold it in any longer.
His eyes widened and he held his cheek, looking at me in shock.

"I do not believe you one single word, Seokjin. Go away, become happy with Seulgi. I don't want to ever see you again."

And with this, I closed the door in front of him and walked into my room, more tears forming in my eyes and blurring my vision.

"I hate you for the fact that I love you", I whispered to myself before the darkness consumed me and I fell on the floor, losing consciousness.