Bend & Break

Cause and Effect

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The Joker might be locked up tight in a maximum security cell but you're still flustered from his effects. His pale face refusing to stop that saccharine grin and maniacal cackle from sparking through your synapses.
Being a level headed professional, you know what your feeling isn't healthy. That doesn't seem to matter when your blood bubbles over with fever and it's a struggle to focus.
The excitement this clown and his magnetic pull brings is inappropriate on so many levels and this fact alone should give you cause to stop before it gets out of hand.
But you're already on the path he has set and underneath all that sensibility there can be no denying the attraction you have developed for the murderess lunatic.
You try and wrap your head around why it's so exhilarating when he stares at you in that hungry manner. While the sound of your heels clicking through the bleached corridor of Arkham Asylum fades into a the background.
Then you come to a startling halt...

What If I'm not strong enough to control this?
If that's the case then perhaps I should be the one locked inside a bullet proof cell!?

It's frustrating how quickly the Joker has hijacked your mind. One brief introduction pulls you into his strange orbit and you haven't even started his therapy. He has manipulated you into thinking you can't do your job, but
what the clown doesn't know...
is that you're a fighter.
So although he may think he has power over you, something potent enough to breach your inner psyche and make you second guess yourself...
You will never give him that satisfaction.

The fact of the matter is that you Dr. ______ are the one in control.
You call the shots as his Psychiatrist and there will be no delusions in thinking what Joker has shown you is affection in any shape or form.
He hasn't got the capability, there's no use for empathy or remorse when he truly believes his actions are justified.
Outside these walls it is Batman who barely controls him. Here in this institution, you are one standing in his way.
That's a lot of responsibility to have
but you are determined to stand your ground.
Crap another restless night is on the cards! You think to yourself.

It's true, you're brain will insist on ruminating for hours instead of shutting down tonight. You will toss and turn until the alarm clock on your bedside table blares its fluorescent green doom. It's not something to look forward to but you will take it.
Even it that means you have to rely on copious amounts of caffeine to get through your day and pop painkillers like tic-tacs in order to rid yourself of the gigantic headache brought on by a Java over dose in your system.
You will deal with the migraines and self doubt because the idea of blackening your reputation is a worse fate.

There is only one thing on this earth you believe gives you any fulfilment and that is helping others overcome their mental instability. Being the guide who teaches them how to break down the obstacles and finally reach their freedom away from the cycle of self loathing, pain and humiliation.
Now one little daydream about a patient could ruin that purpose.
Make it obsolete. If your superiors discovered your dirty little secret that is.
It's torture as he continues to tantalise your thoughts, overpowering that little voice of riotousness.
You feel stripped, vulnerable and strangely...reborn.

~~~~~~

A distraction arrives in the form of Dr. Joan Leland - Head of Psychiatry. She wears a smile that you return in kind when you approach the woman.
Knowing that she is your superior should be an intimidating factor but she makes you feel instantly at ease in her company and you forget momentarily about her status.
Leland's approachable nature is a great tool to own for a medical professional because It takes quite a bit of effort to connect with a patient and without some form of social skill, it's nearly impossible to treat them successfully.
You like to think that you're friendly enough but maybe it wouldn't  hurt to take a few lessons from Joan Leland.
The woman's complexion is as warm as her sunny disposition and the darkest shade of chocolate to match a pair of deep brown eyes that shine with a light of genuine warmth. It's strangely off putting in a city like Gotham. Almost like finding the rarest diamond amongst the destruction of rubble.
You notice that she chats with the guards and standing among them is Arkham's Head of Security - Aaron Cash, his good hand waving a metal detector along her curves.
"You must be ____ !" Leland calls out excitedly craning her neck over the correctional officer's broad shoulders. "Nice to meet you, I'm Joan Leland." She beams brightly.
Dr. Leland is obviously familiar with a routine search because she doesn't seem too fussed that her personal space is being invaded by the contraption in Cash's bear like hands.
It's not unfamiliar territory for you either thanks to your three month internship at Black Gate Prison.
" Sorry Doc, it's procedure." Aaron mutters apologetically when a burly officer begins to pat his giant palms down the back of your own lab coat.
"No problem." You reply breezily.
It takes less than a minute to discover you have nothing that could be considered contraband and a satisfied Cash goes on to inspect your badges.
Once they are clear the big guy escorts you both onto the elevator and the
doors close with a quiet hiss of air.
You grip tight to your clipboard as the pulse beneath your skin begins a frantic beat. Cash works on a small keypad embedded into the wall by the doors and swipes his own ID clearance across the screen.
When it emits a loud bleep he finally punches in a six digit pin code and the emotionless voice of a female speaks aloud.
Her cold scripted tone erupts loudly from the intercom above your heads.
"Basement Floor Maximum Security -Solitary Confinement.
Restricted Access."
Cash then punches in another pin and the woman robotically replies
"Access granted, welcome Officer Cash."
The high tech elevator drops suddenly and because you're not prepared for it, your squirming insides plunge with it.
Cash notices your discomfit and turns to give you some advice. "Just a warning Doc. Try not to believe anything the freak tells you, don't be fooled by his madness, he's manipulative son of a bitch."
Your unsettled gut gives another jolt but this time it's not from the after shock of the lift. Freak is a term you cannot condone no matter how addled a patient's brain is.
Because Mental Illness is not something to joke about or sweep under the rug as many often do instead of using their time and energy to understand, what it really means to a prisoner of their own mind.
With years of study under your belt all that negative stigma attached to psychiatry doesn't sit right with you.
You believe that people shouldn't have to shy away from the topic just because it makes them feel uncomfortable, but you also know that their skewed perception has been ingrained too deep.
As far fetched as it might seem psychiatry treatment is not all about lobotomies and ECT as most would believe (thanks to the exaggeration of the Television and Film industry. )
So you can't really blame Aaron Cash for his predacious, even when having worked with the mentally unstable for years means he should know better.
He uses that word as if it's the most natural indentifer in the world and sadly it is. Going over all of this while you wait for the lift to reach the basement boils your blood again. This time with hot rage that makes you want to snap at Aaron Cash.
Luckily for the officer this is when the elevator doors open to reveal a dark hallway which squashes down the anger enough for Cash to go on ahead of you unscathed.

~~~~~