you were laughing after school because you were so happy and i was crying because i wasn't the one that made you happy when all i do is try and try and try to get you to notice me. at the same time you first saw her naked, my dad died because of a drunk driver so i tried to get closer to you to make me feel something other than numb. you kiss her and my heart breaks every time i see her flirt with someone else behind your back but at least is better than numb. you are in love with her and she has you in the palm of her hands and goddamn you don't have the slightest clue that she's been sleeping with your best friend and whispering pointless nothings at three in the morning to him. she says "i need to do homework." or "my mom needs help tonight." but one day you surprise her with roses as you sneak into her window only to see them fucking under the sheets and you can't do anything. you can't do anything because you are a man and men can't cry men don't cry but all you want to do is cry so instead you punch your best friend. you punch him until he's barely breathing and you see blood on your knuckles as she screams for you to stop. her mom isn't home because if she was you would have already saw her. so you leave. you take one of the roses away as if it was her and you run and run and run until you bump into someone. that someone was me. you were hysterical and ended up crying in my arms but i took you back to my house and made sure you were okay. i made smores and hot chocolate when all you could do was cry. it took a lot of strength for you to go back to school the next week, but you did. i was so proud of you that i took you out for lunch that day. after two months you were getting better even if i saw so much sadness in your eyes. you come to my house more and that's okay, i enjoy the company. three years later i let you take my virginity which led to a baby girl due to a broken condom. i cried for weeks and even though we were in the middle of college, you never cried or left me. you decided we should put her up for adoption but the day she came, neither of us could come up with the strength to do it. her name is easton. you decided to propose that night. i cried again. you did too. four years after that, you decided to leave us to 'figure yourself out' and by leave i thought you just meant that'd you'd take a vacation and eventually come back but after eight months and you never came back, i knew you left for good. a year after you left i was now 28 and your daughter no longer asks when you're coming back. i get a letter in the mail and i couldn't stop crying i knew it was from you becauze there was one wilted rose in the envelope. two days later you were in the obituaries on the new york times and god i thought and hoped this was a cruel joke. i called your parents and when they said you were drunk driving i couldn't get my head around it. i was screaming and crying and i couldn't breathe. i clawed at my chest hoping to rip my heart out because a heart can't hurt this much but when i woke up gasping for air, i realized that it was all just a dream and you were still dancing in the rain with her.
a/n: this was really long but i was on a roll. kinda. not really this is confusing and depressing but y'know. go w the flow.
