you kissed bottles of alcohol instead of girls. you'd rather smell tobacco and sweat instead of her perfume and instead of tasting what she cooks for you, you taste blood. i don't understand why you live like this, i don't think i ever will. like the world is always wrong and you need to fight everything in it yourself. except you don't do it yourself. you use cigarettes to calm you down when you're in the mood to punch her again. you use alcohol to drown out the voice that is your own because you know that what you're doing is wrong and saying 'i just can't help it.' isn't fucking enough anymore. you drink yourself to sleep and when you wake up to a beautiful girl and a homemade breakfast of pancakes and fruit, you get angry at her because they weren't waffles. one day she says she needs to talk to you, and you didn't like the sound of that. you punched her in the stomach without a second thought and when she screamed that she was pregnant, everything stopped and you couldn't understand. she was pregnant? you couldn't be a good dad and you knew it. so you decided to stop fighting the world, and her. the problem was that she was your world and even if you couldn't take your hands off of her, she was your everything but she she could never be yours because she was too good for you. so you packed your cigarettes and half empty bottles of her perfume and left two days later to figure out how to kiss girls instead of alcohol.
