it was the middle of the night and I needed to pee. I got up and shivered from the lack of warm blankets around me. I waddled sleepily to the bathroom. I shut the door and turned around.
standing there was a woman. she had red-ish hair and her eyes were smudged from makeup. her face was a mess of mascara and tears. she glared at me, her nostrils flaring with hatred.
"hello?" I asked, uncertain about what to do. I assumed she was one of those ghosts that roamed the place.
she let out a shout na ran towards me, bearing a knife. before I could react, she had a knife pushing into the skin on my neck. I grabbed her arm that was holding my throat and I tried pushing her off. she was incredibly strong though and didn't move at all.
"you s-stay away from my Tate, okay? leave him alone. LEAVE HIM ALONE." she screamed in my ear.
I felt hot tears run down my cheeks. "okay." I whispered.
she pushed harder into my neck, choking me. I coughed and coughed. she made an incision in my neck. after that, she was gone and her cold grip was no longer on me. I stood there, letting the blood drip down my neck and stain my clothes. I thought about what to do next.
I picked up my razor. I closed my eyes. just for them to shoot back open because I felt a cold licking sensation on my neck. I looked over to see Tate. I pushed him back.
"what are you doing? that's disgusting." I said, inspecting the wound.
"yeah, it is." he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "did you do it?"
should I tell him? what if that crazy woman sees me with him? "yes."
"no, you didn't. a razor wouldn't cut like that. tell me the truth. did you do it?"
"no." I said.
"who did it?" he went to hug me but I stepped away.
"I'm sorry, I can't." I turned to leave.
"Hayden did it, didn't she? she's obsessed with me." Tate said.
"yeah." I spoke. I opened the door.
"maggie!" he called, but I was already walking back to my bedroom. I'll wait until morning to do my business.
he caught up to me and spun me around by my shoulders. his eyes darted to both of mine. "you don't have to be scared. as long as I'm here, you're safe. I won't let her touch you, okay?"
I nodded. he brought me into a hug.
"come to bed with me?" I said so quietly I didn't think he'd hear.
he smiled and nodded. I held his freezing hand with my clammy one and we went back to my bedroom. I laid in the bed and let him spoon me, holding his hand.
I looked over at my clock.
12 : 00 am
we'd been sleeping for a good amount of hours. by 'we' I mean Tate. I looked over at him. his arm was still draped around my waist but it was limp. he looked really cute sleeping with his mouth open, the pillow a bit damp due to his drool. he looked at peace while asleep. when he was awake, his eyes was filled with worry and dread, unsettling emotions. but when he was sleeping, he looked like he hadn't a care in the world.
I slipped his arm off my waist and he didn't move. I got up and snuck to the bathroom.
this was it. I couldn't handle it anymore. I was going to end it. then I could be out of the rotten world and somewhere better. I feel trapped, no one I talk to will understand my pain. i hesitated, watching myself in the mirror. I watched myself cry without noise. I watched myself back out of the bathroom. I walked downstairs, outside to the shed. there I found mum's rope. I walked back upstairs and tied it onto the ceiling fan in the bathroom that I got to by standing on the toilet.
I put my head through the noose to make sure it was a good size and then popped back out. I looked at the rope with a hole for my head. I was actually going to do it.
three..two..one
"you know." I spun around to see Tate leaning against the door frame, are laced expression gracing his face. "if I could kill myself, I would."
my brows furrowed. "then do it." I said, sounding confused.
he sighed. "I can't. come down. I need to tell you something."
I looked back at the noose. the only person that could probably stop me from killing myself was Tate.
I got down and he held out his hand for me to take. I took it and he led me back to my room.
"I need to tell you something." he sat in my bed, pulling me onto it in front of him. "I'm dead. I died in this house. I have to live here for eternity now to pay for my sins and what not. I can't go outside, I'm trapped. I died." he repeated.
I gave him a weird look. "you look pretty real to me. how could you be dead?"
he looked around my room and grabbed my large pair of scissors from my desk. he held it out to me, blades facing towards his chest. "stab me. go on, do it."
I took the scissors and then rethought it. I dropped them for them to plop onto the bed between us. "what? no! I don't want to kill you." my mind was running. what was happening? are ghosts real?
he grabbed my two hands and stared deeply into my eyes. I was in a trance. one I didn't want to break away from. "listen to me. I'm already dead. just do it."
I looked at him and then the scissors. "you do it." I spoke.
"I want you too." he handed me the scissors again. "go on." he whispered.
i took a deep breath and squinted my eyes. I don't know if I could bare this. I pressed the tip of he scissors to his chest with little pressure. before I knew it, Tate had grabbed my arm and plunged the scissors into himself, square in the chest.
he started coughing up blood and making choking noises, squirming all around on my bed. blood was squirting everywhere, so much all I could see was red. "TATE!" I screamed crying.
I helplessly wrapped my duvet around his to soak up the blood. the blood was just soaking through that too.
I knew I couldn't help him. I curled up into a ball on the bed and cried. really hard.
a few seconds later, soft, large hands wrap around me. I untangle from my mess of limbs and look up to see Tate and no blood. his wound was gone. he was cradling me in his arms whispering 'shh.' I blinked back my tears.
"H-how did you do that?" I gulped. maybe ghosts are real.
he pulled back a little to talk. "don't you see, sweetheart? I'm a ghost."
"why are you telling me this?" I asked softly.
"because I don't want you to die on me. you'll be trapped here. you need to get away as soon as you can." he said, his voice shaking a little.
he didn't want me to leave. I know he didn't. and I didn't want to leave.
"but I don't want to leave. I want to be with you. you make me want to live. I'll kill myself to be with you. I love you, Tate." I whispered the last part, hoping he'd say it back.
he made a sound that both was crying and laughing. "I love you too, maggie. but I need you to live. there are evil and confused spirits in this house. I don't want you to get hurt."
I hugged him tighter. I don't know what I was going to do, but whatever it was, it was never going to be the right decision.
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- emily 💐
