Faith

To add on

I got home from work last Saturday, my dad took me out to the store and then out to eat. During the drive to the store he told me the three words that made me lose everything, those words were "I have cancer". I was stunned, I didn't know what to say at all, I wanted to say something, but my body wouldn't let me say a single thing. I was quiet all the way to the store. I didn't know to do or say, I just jumped over the fact that he may never get to see me graduate, or get married, or even just see me do things I've always wanted to do. I thought about what I would have to say during his funeral and what to say to everyone when this happens. When we went out to eat, I barely ate, I was so worried to the point that, only that focused in my mind and nothing else. I couldn't do anything, all I did was worry about what was going to happen. That night, I prayed hoping everything would be fine, I was scared out of my mind, my brother was spending the night at a friends so I had the room to myself; I cried. I haven't cried since my grandmother died a year and a half ago. I cried just wishing nothing would be okay, I just wanted things to perfect, where nothing can hurt us at all. Sadly, no such thing exist, I always say to myself, "if this was a perfect world, it wouldn't be perfect. I woke up that morning realizing I cried myself to sleep and then all my thoughts about what was happening came back into my head. My dad told that we'll find out more about how serious it is either Friday or Monday, and then that is where things will either be okay, or everything will fall apart. It still bothers me as of now, I thought about keeping quiet about it, but then I thought that I really wanted one good friend, a close one that has affected my life greatly. I wanted to tell them so bad in person, but it wouldn't go as I wanted to go, I just simply explained in a app that we both use. I want him to be my side whether my dad will get through this alive, or that he must fight it, but lose the battle. In the end, I either have my close friend and my dad, or I have my close friend, my friend has gotten me through some things, as well as, I have helped him in many life problems. I can only hope and have faith during all of this because a world without my father is a world that I could never be in, I would still be in that world, but I would not remember it the I use to remember. My father has been there for me during my life, the moment he met my mother and took my sister, brother, and I in when we were living in a trailer for three years. Now that we know that he may or may not lose his life is what makes me think about why we deserve this? My dad always says to me "I'm not afraid to die, but I just don't want to die."