Let's Play Pretend

XII. Fragile China Doll

Evening of Day Six 

The ocean rushed around me. I understood why people said that the sound of it was calming. I could feel my heart beart, slow and steady, as I sat there listening to the endless waves that were rushing in and crashing on the sandy shore. 

I dug my toes deep into the sand. So deep that the sand was damp and cold instead of soft and burning up. How could Taylor say those things? She was supposed to be one of my best friends. Couldn't she tell that I was trying not to be a ghost of myself anymore? God, sometimes I'm glad that she was going to South Africa to study medicine instead of going with me and Arin to New York. 

Ambery Lynn by Mayday Parade-of course-poured into my ears through my headphones while I stared out at the ocean. The sad violin hepled me swin in my own misery. 

Take me away tonight...

Take me away tonight...

"Charlie?" I heard from behind me. I jerked around to find Josh standing there, knee deep in beach grass. Concern was etched across his brow and buried somewhere deep in his eyes. I sighed and turned back to the ocean. 

"Go away, Josh. I don't need anything from you of all people right now." He sighed and stepped around me to plant himself in the sand beside me. He took his earbuds out and wrapped the chords aroound his index finger. I did the same. He was wearing a Mizzou T-shirt and black gym shorts. Looking closely at him, I saw sweat speckling hi skin. He must've been going for a run. 

"I'm not going anywhere. Partly because you're my best friend's girlfriend. But also because I like you...I guess you're pretty cool. I care about you....I guess. So either you're going to 'open up' to me the easy or  the hard way. So, what's wrong?" I blew out a breath. There was no use arguing with him any further. 

"We're not going to make it." I don't have to explain what I mean or who I'm talking about. He knew. He exhaled loudly. 

"Did you really expect to?" I bit my lip to stop the tears that were threatening. I shook my head. 

"No. No, of course not. I should've never let him take me out on a date in the first place. I should've never climbed down that rope ladder and let him kiss me." I should've never let myself fall for him. I don't the say last part out loud. I hate myself for allowed myself to do something so foolish like fall for a boy I'd known for six days. What the hell was wrong with me? I mean...who does that? 

I let out a loud groan and dropped my head into my hands. Josh awkwardly paced an arm across my shoulders and let me rest my head on him. I cried into the orangish-yellow fabric of his T-shirt. I cried until my breath was back to normal. And he held me the whole time. When I was finally finsihed, I sniffed and closed my eyes. 

"I...I love him," I whispered into Josh's shoulder. He turned at my unexpected confession. 

"He loves you too," he told me with so much sincerity that it shocked me in a way that I couldn't explain. I sniffled again. I was done crying but I didn't want Josh to let go of me. And he didn't. 

"Really?" 

"Yeah."

"How can you tell?"

"He talks about you non-stop for starters. It's actually kind of annoying. And he lights up like a little kid on Christmas when he does." I chuckle at the memory of Andrew telliong me that I was like a little kid on Christmas when I found that record player. 

"He looks at you in this really intense sort of way," Josh continued. "It's almost like you're his whole world right now. Like everything else disappears when you enter the room besides you. You're really special to him, Charlie. And I can tell that you feel the same way. I wish you guys could last. I really do."