Lustrous

Chapter 36: Untitled

We arrived home after what felt like a longer than usual car ride, filled with awkward silence. I didn't know what to say to Anthony, or how justify myself. But, more importantly, I was still fuming with anger at seeing those lying blue eyes. I was so mad at seeing him, although I couldn't figure out why exactly. In reality the only thing Jarred ever did wrong by me was break up with me by saying I was simply too much for him to handle, but yet, I still felt like he had slapped me. And then, there was a sadness in me, coupled with regret. He looked good, carefree and happy. Maybe I was jealous?

My inner self started slapping that idea out of my head with a rubber fish. No! No! No way in hell are we jealous of that ugly ass penguin.

I sighed. Jarred had said I still hadn't changed.

Who cares!

I do. Every relationship I've had has ended the same way. I was too much. But, how could I not be? I wanted a relationship were I could be myself with the person, every part of myself. And as it turns out every part of me was approximately five individual psychos living with one mouth. I turned my head and looked at Anthony as he pulled into the hotel garage and looked for his reserved parking spot.

Would he leave because I was too much?

I pushed the thought far away. I didn't want to distrust him; I didn't want to second guess him. I cared for him more than I could fathom and I knew he cared for me at least somewhat. I needed to focus on that and stop dwelling on the what if's and could be's.

But, even happy thoughts were no use against the multiple voices living inside my head.

I felt a warm touch on my hand seated in my lap. "Sky," Anthony started to get my attention and I was happy to give it him. "We're here."

The look in his eyes told me this wasn't the first time he had told me.

I nodded, taking a deep breath and opened the door, quickly climbing out of the car.

"You okay?"

I nodded my head not daring myself to speak.

We walked into the apartment and I made a bee line for the couch, TV remote, and my bunny. Nothing would make me feel better than watching strangers fall in love whilst cuddling Hercules.

Anthony disappeared into his study, muttering that he had work to do, although I wasn't particularly paying attention and waved him off.

I was wrong. Watching strangers fall in love didn't make me feel better. In fact, it made me feel worse. I was ready to start crying.

You need chocolate.

"I agree." I nodded to my inner self and looked over at the pantry. "Nope too far, even for chocolate."

Ice cream?

I turned to face the fridge and groaned. "Even worse."

"What's 'even worse'?" Anthony sat down on the couch beside me. His hand straying to scratch Hercules behind the ear making her close her eyes and look asleep. His eyes looked tried, his body sagging with exhaustion and tension.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, my crying fit and hunger for chocolate and ice-cream forgotten.

His eyes lifted to met mine and I noticed the gold spark that was there only days ago was dimmed ever so slightly. "Am I too young to retire?"

I chuckled a little and decided to try and comfort him.

Try being the key word there, Sky.