Lustrous

Chapter 42: Lost in the Silence

I stared at myself in the mirror. My hair was straight by my sides, still warm from the straightener. My eyes were perfectly framed by my liquid eye-liner and a small thin coat of mascara making my brown eyes pop. My lips were a mutual pink, nothing too deep. My cheeks had a light coat of blush to bring some colour back to my face. I took a deep breath and looked down to see the packet of pills on the basin. I wasn't sure why, but I was hesitant to take them.

It had been only a few days since I told Anthony about the voices and all out chaos that reigned inside my head. He had suggested I go see someone, to help talk things out while everything was a bit much and overwhelming. I hadn't liked the idea to begin with but, after thinking about it for a day, I decided to give it a shot. It was fine, if not a little awkward in the beginning but it helped. To be able to say everything out loud felt like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. But now, I had been given medication.

It would help with concentration. It takes the edge off. That was all.

Don't do it!

Come on Sky, can you really live without us?

It won't get rid of you, just dual you a little. I took a deep breath and put one of the pills in my mouth, swallowing it with a cup of water.

You're gonna regret that.

"Maybe." I spoke out loud now. "Maybe I won't."

I finished getting ready, slipping my feet into my heels and pulling on a blue shirt before I walked into the kitchen. Anthony stood there with a piece of toast in his mouth and an carton of Orange juice. "Did you take them?" He asked me as he filled up two glasses of range juice. I nodded to him and he raised the two glasses for a toast. "Here's to day one of a new life." I smiled at him and took the cup of orange juice before kissing him quickly.

"I'm going to be late."

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As the days past I felt no affects of the tablets. My inner self was still busily making my life hell and pulling my attention away in meetings. I pushed through Anthony's unsupportive business mind and hunted down a willing investor for the new branch making the owner name me employee of the month - I got a little badge and a free lunch. I will admit that I had an edge over everyone else - that edge was called Anthony's book of associates, basically a collection of rich business tycoons who had too much money and too much time on their hands. And after three phone calls, I found one happy to invest in the small start up company.

I had also made the effort to visit my father every few days in his new rehab facility. He appeared to be doing better and from a brief chat with his doctors, I was assured he was making a speedy recovery with simple cognitive therapies and a small dose of anti-depressants. Although, I doubted they were the actual results - no one recovers that quickly without faking it. Whether the doctors simply didn't want me to worry, or my father was playing them for a fool - I wasn't sure. It wasn't difficult to do I knew that myself. I had convinced every counselor I had that I was fine and didn't need medication - all except my new one of course. But that was another matter entirely. I wasn't doing this for myself, but rather for Anthony. Because he asked me too. Because it would make things easier for him. And also because I feared becoming my father.

I think that simple fear was the one thing driving me now, taking over every part of me. I've started working harder to prove I was a success. I've started seeking help to prove I can over come even the demons inside my head. And I've put more effort into being a fiancé, even if Anthony has pleaded with me every day this week to stop trying to show him how much I care by cooking him dinner and showing him the TV shows that are most important to me - although, I do think he is becoming rather attached to this seasons Bachelor.