The Thirteenth And Fifth Letter

135

I could look at you or just stare at the wall and I can easily think of the words you used to describe yourself. I was the one who knew you best. I knew you from soul to body. I knew your every move and every reason behind them. It's sad.

Balance, Ying Yang--I can't seem to say those words the same again. I knew every little thing you liked. I knew every thing you will do. You were the brightest ball of light I ever held. The strongest. The endless. And you still are. You believe you are.

No one knew about every single thing. The depth, the cause, the reasons... No one knew. You don't like telling anyone kasi you'll feel bad. You'll feel like bragging even when you know you're not. You're proud of who you are. You know na kahit anong sabihin nila o masamang tingin nila, you know the truth...

You're so understanding. And nice. And light. And full of effort. You give so much meaning into things. You saw beauty in the most ordinary things. And it was great. It always was.

I knew you more than anyone ever has... And I know exactly what words can describe you because you earned it.

People said they knew your worth and you believe they do. And you understand every single inch of it. You always did. And you always want to.

Goodness. I don't know. It felt like a long time already. I don't know if I lost you or you left but I miss you. I miss you but I don't really know what to do yet... Hindi ko na alam kung kaya ko pa.

You are too much. Sobra sobra kasi. You gave your best. Your very best. Kaya ang hirap. Ang hirap kang ibalik. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko ba ulit. I tried before... I don't know...

I know how you cried when things got rough. How you wanted to talk to someone and names started flashing in your mind. You were sending them mental calls. You were asking for help. Funny enough, they didn't felt any of the emotions you're keeping.

You're happy on who you are. You're an ocean full of wonderfulness and one said that you're too much. And that's right. So right that you can't even argue. Nung sinabi nyang magkaiba kayo, it broke your heart. You know. You always knew.

All you can do was stay in pain. Because you can't get mad. Because somehow... Maybe it's your fault.