The Thirteenth And Fifth Letter

Grave

"Are you okay now?"

She looked at her and knows she's somehow better than before. Dati para syang nangangasay. Namamatay.

But, of course, the marks on White's skin and blood on her dress shows how the girl is not that she old perfect shape yet.

Black have seen the cuts of pain in her skin heal. But the scars she used to lose after sometime is still isn't going away any soon. Her whole being is as honest as she is. It will show the pang of sadness. It scars of the consequences of everything she did.

The way the blood stained on her dress, Black knew right away that she haven't seen the good in her pain yet. She's probably still clueless.

Seeing her stare at the ground or the wall or sometimes the table is a bit annoying already. Black might be Darkness but not seeing the Light and Hope is a bit frustrating already. She might be cruel but seeing wanting and confusion creeping up on her is unacceptable.

She's the contented one. The logical one. And the dreamer. She's the best part.

"Pure." She called her. "Sincere." White's eyes looked at her and back down on the table. "Genuine."

Black knows she's listening.

"Understanding." White closed her eyes. "Forgiving." Black tilted her head. "Accepting."

"Why are you named the way you are?" Black knows how to break people. That's what she does. White instructs what she should break and destroy. But without her orders, she's absolutely free to break anything.

"You know why." White answer in her head. And opened her eyes.

"I wanna hear it from you. You're proud of it, right?" Her gaze stayed down. "Not when I don't have it anymore."

Nagbuntong hininga si Black. She can't stand to talk to her. They are like losers on the same table. It's pathetic to look at.

"I don't like this anymore." Napataas ang kilay ni Black. "What, which?"

"Me," Blacks eyes widen in surprise and White shook her head, "Every thing. Every thing that's going down. Wala akong mahawakan. I know that it's hard. I've always knew that. Pero ngayon lang ako natakot sa intensity nito."

"You're... You're not kidding." Pain. It struck them both. Black know that White don't lie. And even if she does, it always shows.

Black might actually know why this happened. White always gives the hundred percent. And it's not that she shouldn't have. What she did was fine. She is sure and she knows what she's doing. But... fuck. She don't know. She don't know where it went wrong. She might have an idea but, White will kill her if she says that out loud. White never liked pointing fingers. She just fixed it right away. No questions asked.

Maybe it's because... fucking--she wants to fix it the way White wanted to get back on her feet too.

"Naiintindihan ko na ata," her voice cracked, "Maybe this is why they are afraid to stand back up again... Kasi alam na nila yung sakit. Nakakatakot kasi. People will tell you that they will be there pero pag nandyan na, they can barely help.

"I fucking feel useless, Black. I feel like I don't have the right to feel this way because I haven't really done anything recently. I feel hopeless. I feel shitty. I'm not at my best anymore. I can't trust my logic because I know it's crooked," Her tears... She's fucking crying again. "I can see it hit the ground. It's hitting both sides, Black."

"Stop talking," White immediately bowed down her head. Possibly still crying, "The marks on your skin are multiplying."

Black wanted to massage her forehead. A red mark is starting to show on her neck. Like where a choker or the trace of bruise of a hanged person.