The Price of Blood

Chapter 21

I clasp Mum's hands in mine.  We sit in stony silence in the police station, waiting for a sign.  Andrea sits next to me, her cheek pressed into my stomach, like Kenny used to do.  God above, if you're there, how can you do this?  Kenny was such an innocent child, such a beautiful one.  All he did was love and be loved in return.  How could anyone want to harm this beautiful boy? My mum is sobbing again, and I pass her the tissues.  For me, the grief is disbelief, not sorrow.  For me, it is the utter incomprehension of how such a beautiful boy can be taken from us all.  Andrea joins in, of course she does.  Two years older than Kenny, but still only nine years of age.  I look at them both, and my eyes begin to well up.  No.  I must stay strong for both of them.

The Sargent comes out of his office, looking grave.  My mother composes herself, and gives him a stare of hope yet a stare that is quivering under her every breath.  It is a stare that I am used to, however it unnerves the proud Sargent, who shakes his head a little and then clears his throat.    "Mrs Groves," he addresses my mother kindly, yet still feeling the pain of her stare, "May we ask you to describe this young man, Kenny O'Hare, to us?  It would really help with our search."          
 "I'll do it," I offer, "I'm afraid Mum really isn't in the best state to answer questions right now."   "He was so beautiful," my mother murmurs, "So beautiful.  Do you understand?"
Suddenly Mum is shouting at the policeman, who almost falls over, "So precious, and he has to get taken away from me.  He was like my son, my boy, I cared for him ever since he was born really, his parents are drunks who dumped their children like rubbish onto me after they had them, they have three others kids, so who cares about Andrea or Kenny?  But now my shitty experience has got even worse, now I have to live with the fact that I didn't do fucking enough to save him!"   "I understand this is difficult for you,"
The Sargent assures her, while she breaks down again in complete and utter dismay, "However, in order to find young Kenny, we need all the information we can get, therefore I would appreciate if you could come with me and give me some guidance in this particular matter. Please, if this works, we might be able to find him."
He pleads with us.    
"Fine," I say, "But I'm answering the majority of the questions.   

 A moment later, I am sitting in a brightly lit room, almost being blinded by the light that is burning my eye sockets.  The Sargent sits there, looking at me suspiciously.  He got out his notepad and began to scribble at speed, and I begin to get irritated.  Finally he stops and takes off his glasses, before eyeing me with a look of sympathy and filled with a patronizing tone.        
"So, Lauren, can you please describe this young man Kenny to us?" he finally asks.                     "Yes," I say, "He is rather short,a goofy grin, ginger hair, two of his teeth are missing, he has hazel eyes.  He was so lovely, so kind, so genuine.  But now, he will be scared, alone, not knowing which way to turn.   If you loved someone so much it hurt, you would understand."                        

 "Oh," the Sargent looks downcast, saddened, "I'm afraid I have some bad news, this boy's body, it was found in the river yesterday.  We are so sorry, so sorry for your loss.  Is there anything..."    
"NO!" I interrupt him, "Please God no, no no no no NO!"
I look at him and start to cry so much, my body aches with anger, with pain, with sorrow,
"You liar!" I yell and run n
out of the room.  I find Mum, who sees my face and my anger and she knows.  She holds Andrea's hand as I shout to God.  Please God, help us.  We are not worthy but please help us.  For Kenny, goddamn help us.

***

The funeral is a quiet affair.  I don't know what you are meant to say to someone when a seven year old dies.  The anvil is back, and ready to strike us down again.  When it is time for the eulogies, I go up to the front and pull out a small piece of paper from my pocket.  Drying my eyes, I begin to read.

"Kenny was a beautiful and loving boy.  He loved it when the sun shined so we could go oiut and fly a kite, he loved it when we went fishing with Kyle, he loved the little things.  And he will love heaven, with the angels and the cherubin."
I pause, wiping my eyes once more.  The grief has made my body ache with tiredness.
"He was a gem in a world of pebbles and rocks.  And he will be sorely m-m-miss-s-e-d..."
And with that, I lose it.  I collapse on the ground, sobbing without end.  My dad comes and takes me back to my seat.  He clasps my hand consolingly and passes me the box of tissues.  I just feel so hopeless.  There was nothing that I could have done.

Lord, help us all.