Accidentally in love (Dedicated to Paul Walker)

(Chapter 4)

Now is I’ve got. I can’t go back in time and reverse everything-I wish I could but all of this is probably happening for a big reason. I don’t know why but what I do know now is that I can’t give up hope and turn against people who are trying to help me. The casket was getting lower and lower into the ground as my father’s dead body was in there. The cold breeze of the harsh wind trying to knock me of my feet and the goose pumps arising onto my pale fleshed skin-I don’t think I’ve ever been so strong in my life. Before I came here I was jogging a future memory were I would break down to pieces while they took away my dad and plead out to God to give me back my dad but this isn’t what was happening right now. I was standing stronger than ever on my feet with the man who helped me get through it all in just one day, and a couple of hours. Someone who I admire, look up at, want to be like…is taking me through my grieve. Once the body was buried right down they began piling the soil on top so the casket could disappear. Looking around me I saw my mom standing in the distance crying, my heart pained to see her in pain. She should feel guilty, after what she did to dad and especially when she knew the pain dad was going through. I might be able to forgive her but I won’t see her as the women that raised me up.

“Now we should all take this moment to look down upon our lives and be worthy of everything we have. Henry William Hayes was one amazing man who always put others before him and today we are gathered for his funeral to give this man the peace and happiness he always wanted. A few words will be taken from his wife and daughter. Alicia darling why don’t you come on up here” My uncle said.

I felt warmth coming from my arm, looking down it was Stephan’s hand; he gave me a warm smile and gestured for me to go. Taking a deep breath, I took a step forward and made my way to the front of dad’s grave taking the place of my uncle. He gave me a quick hug and went to stand somewhere far back. Looking around at all the familiar faces they were giving me sad looks. Stephan’s glance caught me as he nodded for me to start talking. Looking down at my new clean black shoes I brought my gaze back up

“My dad…my dad he was or is my whole world. He was the best dad I could ever ask for and I would never ever change my decision. Through the worst times in my life my dad was there for me, to help me, pick me up when I’m down and put a smile on my face. Yes I’ll admit there were times when I didn’t want to see his face or talk to him because he either annoyed me or didn’t let me do what I want, but now when I look back at those memories I realize why he did what he did. He did it to protect me, show me what’s the difference between good and bad and I still appreciate that he did that for me because my….my dad..” I gulped and felt my tears starting again, some people were crying themselves.

I’ve got to hold myself together, I’ve come this far I don’t want to ruin it for me or dad.

“My dad was the best man alive, he never cared about himself he always looked out for others, helping others because that’s the man he was. I honestly couldn’t care less if my dad was the most horrible man alive to some people…because to me…he was my everything. He raised me up to be the person I am today, and without the pushes he gave me I wouldn’t be standing here right now in this spot, I would have been at home in my room crying my eyes out because my dad is dead. I know that dad wouldn’t want that for me, he wouldn’t want me to cry over him but I am because I already miss him. I’m trying my absolute best not to but I can’t help it. If you’re listening to me right now dad I love you and you will always stay deep down in my heart till the day I die and I will never let you go no matter what anybody says or anybody does, I will miss you” Everyone began clapping as I knew my eyes gave out providing anymore sadness to me.

Wiping my tears, I walked back over to Stephan who gave me a side hug.

“You were really brave up there” He said softly.