Lemon-Aid

The Joy of Life

  "Sis you really need to do something with all this shit. For real girl you sleeping on major talent man."

I just looked up at my brother as he walked around admiring the art and written words hanging on my wall.

"You don't believe in yourself do you!?" I bit on the back of my pencil and closed my eyes as he began his speech.

"Sis man I done told you about that shit ! Stop doubting yourself man you gotta tighten up. Its like after that break up with ol dude you gave up. I don't know when the last time you smiled or the last time you did any damn thing."

"Jase can we just kill this conversation! Please!" He was right that break up drained the life out of me, I don't know when the last time I did anything delightful to my soul.

I watched how jase smiled and laid back on my bed. I put down my Sketch book and grabbed my note pad because I knew that's what he was waiting for.

"They say Life brings us joy that we wish could last forever. We take pictures to capture the moments or even record videos to hear the sweet words.  but realize those moments where just seconds that vanished Like the sounds of passing hummingbirds. We sit and we wonder how could this be the joy of life when the things that make us laugh are those that make us cry. They say joy comes in the morning, well why not at night instead its the pain and the tears that have us up ready to fight. They say Joy is like the sugar we use to settle the bitterness in our lemonade, well where was this Joy when life was giving me lemons instead of sugar I was always running to the first AID!"

 That flashed back always seemed to stay visual as I found myself staring off into space. That was the last poem of many that I read to Jase before he died. Here I was staring at the same poem as I packed my last bag. I looked around my room that was once filled with my emotions on the wall was now naked. I took a deep breath as I closed the door behind me.

"Are you ready sweet heart!?" My dad asked as he reached from my bags. I just nodded my head as my mother looked at me in annoyance.

I knew it was the way I dressed that upsets her. I use to be the girl full of color but now grey or black was all I wore.

"Leave it alone honey please?" I heard my dad say before I plugged in my ear buds. Every since the passing of Jase music art and writing kept me afloat.  I zoned out trying not to think of the change ahead.