Name: Sofia Clara Agua
Age: 27
Born: Barcelona, Spain
Job: wedding organizer
Eyes: hazel
Hair: brown, shoulders length
Parents: Maria and Jose Agua
Siblings: Marcel (23)
March
San Francisco, USA
Sitting on the bench, I kept running my fingers around the scar on my thigh. Maybe it should've ended the other way instead. I'm not that strong to stay here and deal with these things myself. What's the point in torturing myself here? On this planet while having absolutely nothing?
"Sofia." a soft voice echoed in my ears. Looking at my right, I realized I'm not here all by myself. "I was looking for you at your place." Simone mumbled after wiping the tears off my face. I shook my head and looked at the headstone again.
"It doesn't feel right there." I whispered while even more tears were rushing into my eyes.
"You should rest, Sof. They only released you a week ago." she demanded making me close my eyes tightly. This shouldn't have happened. Hugging me, Simone placed a kiss on my forehead.
"Let me take you home." she said.
"I don't wanna be there. It's so lonely." I moped. She nodded and hugged me more tightly.
"I'm taking you to our house." she promised.
September
"You'll always be welcomed here, honey." Simone said while rubbing my back gently. I sobbed and smiled. Some people may think this decision isn't right, but it feels right deep in my heart.
"Could you take me there?" I mused with pleading eyes. Stephan sighed after she'd looked at him.
"You said your goodbye yesterday. You shouldn't g-..." One last time.
"Please." I demanded looking in between both of them.
"I drive." Stephan posed making me smile softly. One last time because I won't be able to do it anytime soon.
.....
"How have you been?" I asked looking at all the flowers around the grave. I put some white and yellow roses there earlier. It's always been our favourite kind.
"You know...it doesn't feel the same being here anymore. In this city. Country." I posed my eyes wandering around the golden lettering. Hearing gasps from behind, I realized I'm not the only one hurting.
"I always thought I'll grow old here." I noted while wiping away my tears.
"Maybe...someday I'll come back here and tell myself that I'm really strong that I'm able to live here." I kept speaking. Even thought the tears were running down my cheeks, I didn't really bother to wipe them away anymore.
"But right now...I can't bare the fact that I'd be all alone here. I need to go away, escape the stories and people." I posed and felt a hand on my shoulder. It seemed to put some more weight on me making me unable to take it. Kneeling down, I placed my hand on the headstone. Breaking into the biggest tears today, I didn't even make sound because of barely having oxygen to breath.
"I'm so sorry." I cried and Simone hugged me. I don't know where I'd be without them.
"I love you." I murmured after a long while of silence. Looking at Simone, then at Stephan, I smiled lightly. Not because I feel like smilling, I just don't wanna let them know it's tearing me apart just the way it was in March.
"We all do love you." I corrected myself and took a shaky breath.
September 2nd
Barcelona, Spain
"How would you like the steak?" mom mused while I kept laying on the sofa in their house staring at the TV screen blankly.
"Medium." I replied and grabbed the remote controller. Switching the TV off, I placed my hand above my eyes and sighed. It's even more difficult here. Everyone's afraid of actually speaking their mind around me. They're afraid I'd fall apart all over again. Note to themselves - I can't fall apart even more.
"Sofia, I was...we were thinking that...maybe you could stay with us a little bit longer." mom posed. I raised my eyebrows and looked at her.
"Why would I? Is there anything wrong with the apartment?" I mumbled almost panicking. When I decided to move out of San Fran, I told my parents to find me a flat. And so they did.
"No, no, but...I don't really think you're able to take care of yourself fully yet." she explained. I scoffed and stood up throwing the blanket off me.
"I'm totally fine, mom!" I squealed. Storming out of the house, I slammed the door really hard. What now? I can't go to the grave. I can't go and place the flowers there. I can't tell him everything I feel. I can't tell him that I feel totally absolutely weak. I can't tell him that I feel numb. Lifeless.
.....
One would never say how difficult it could be - orientating oneself in their hometown. But, honestly, after not being here for so long, it feels like a completely new city. Everybody is a stranger to me, I came here to have my family around me, but what if I'm not ready for that either? What if the only thing I need is to stay on my own for some time?
After strolling through the streets, I found the apartment complex where I'll start living the next week. It's huge. Not as huge as the buildings in America, but still bigger than I expected. Unfortunately, I can't go inside now since somebody still lives in my flat. Turning around, I started walking ahead. I froze when I heard enormous honk next to me. Placing a hand above my heart, I closed my eyes tightly. It's the second time in 6 months that I could've died. Great score.
"What the hell were you doing, madam?!" the driver started yelling at me after getting out of his car. I started shaking and gulped hardly.
"I...I'm sorry." I apologized staring at the asphalt beneath my feet. Breath, Sofia, just breath.
The man sighed and touched me gently making me shiver. I pulled away and finally looked at him. This is a new style of everyone. Bleaching their hair. Funny. Sadly, I can't laugh. I've forgotten how to.
"Are you alright?" he mused more calmly now. I nodded and touched my thigh defensively. Stupid how I always do this anytime I'm in a dangerous situation.
"Sure?" the man demanded looking me into my eyes. Gulping hardly, I nodded my head and looked around. Because of looking like a totally homeless fool, the man asked me if there's any way he could help me.
"Well, actually, telling me how this street is called would help a lot." I murmured nervously. After furrowing his eyebrows, he took a long break without speaking.
"I can drive you home. You're obviously...shaken." he said. I took a step back and shook my head.
"No, I'd rather walk, thanks." I refused. There's no way I'm getting in a car with a stranger.
"Come on. There have already been some pics of us taken for sure so...Please." he demanded. I took a shaky breath and nodded. I stayed here for a reason. And even tho I'd do anything to be around him again, I don't wanna get hit by a car. I can imagine much nicer way to die.
"What's your name?" the man asked while leading me to his car.
"Sofia." I replied. I don't even bother to lie to a stranger anymore. Great state of mental health, Sofia. Take a bow.
"I'm Lionel." he'd posed before closing the door of the passenger's seat. Breath. You can do this.
×It's heeeere! After such a long period of time, I decided to start a new book!
×I'm trying to make it a little bit different to my previous stories and, so far, I like how it's going 😊
×I'd really appreciate reading your opinions, you're all very welcome to write me a message or a comment.
×I'll probably update in a week (taking it slowly 😜)
